~a Shed of LIGHT and ICE~

This part of mah site is still for mah shiet talkin, truth spilln, and day bitchin. =) Dun like it? Dun view it. thanx.

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Mood: N/A: 4-15-03 : 12:17 pm
so now i begin ta go into another hibernation period with this site. but that doesn't mean i'm not hard at work wid tha updates and updates to myself. All aside, i've been resting lately, FINALLY. Many thanx go to Tak, Vince, Chai, and Vi. Another Special thanx goes to mah angel Trina and Mr. Danny. I'm coming home soon peepz, hope ta see u all soon b4 spring break is over. SUmmer is right around tha corner and i'm anticipating on all the new journey's that i'll be having wid everyone. Like i alwayz say "We got alot of new chapters to write".
Suggestive Song(s)ta Download:
Faye Wong: Eyes on Me (Piano Version)

Current game playing: None

Mood: N/A: 3-24-03 : 12:57 pm
Risk: Life is all about taking risks. Some being more scary then others, some being very simplestic, and some. . .we can't deal with at all. One of the biggest issues in risk is on emotions espcially when you're Vulnerable, usually when you're just starting ta talk to someone. With emotions you fear rejection, or you fear getting hurt because it could, or has happened b4. SOmetimes events can be traumatic enough to shove you SO deep away from things that you would never risk your emotions again. With this, a person can dive into a depression that they may never dig out of, or miss out on some of lifes greatest things. How do you know what you will miss until it's gone? How do you know it's not meant ta be if you don't give it a chance or try your hardest, how do you know you put "enough" on the line? People now a dayz tend to forget how much time they have in life and decide to run through life as fast as possible not remembering that they're wasting there own time. If you find something along that way, don't just keep goin. STOP! cuz you never know if that something iz something you've been lookin for. IF it isn't keep don't just leave it there ta die off. keep it close because things evolve over time and eventually it will change into something that u ARE lookin for. like i said: People forget that therez years ahead of them and don't take any time to let things change.

i risk my heart out for the search for "the One". I put all i can give, all my trust, all of me to this person because it's me, it's how i feel, it's what i think a person deserves. Time? Why do i place my trust in someone as quick as i do? because i KNOW the sacrifices, i KNOW what i'm risking, i'm WILLING to take those chances. IF i fall then i know it wuz on me, and i KNOW that i can get back up. Ain't nothing out there that can keep me down. Thats how i work with "risk" I've met many deceitfull people in my life, but hey, look, it just gave me more power of knowledge about those people and how they work. From that i can keep a better eye out on mah frenz and people i care for. i mean thats how things work when you're dealing with other individuals. Though i have failed 8 times, each of theze "Seeds" have grown into other beautiful things or have completely died. This world is full of ugly things, sorrow, and hate. rarely do u find peepz out there wid hope for anything, or who're not sleeping with everything. i know pain, i know sorrow, i know the feelings of despair and i fight against them too often. I'm willing to risk my heart to someone because i know the sacrifices and i'm ready to take on anything that'll come my way. even through the battle i keep hope of light and continue on my search.

Don't be afraid of risks. they can be painful, but if you stay afraid you'll never know what you could've had. One of the more simpler steps would be ta give it time and SLOWLY "risk" it. because in this manner, at least you're giving it a chance and you're working at your own pace. remember: with happiness and sorrow are like tha moon and sun. both will alwayz come around 4 one another. realize the reality of this and sorrow will become more and more irrelevent to you. Once it becomes a breeze you'll be able to conquer all sorts of fears, once you conquer fears ,"risks" will become second nature to test and defeat. Once that happens you'll experience life through a better light and not miss a thing, leading to longer chances of happiness and bein a more open person.

Anywhoz I'll leave more an entry bout what has been happenin lately, for now , imma go climb a tree, gotta go look for mah monki and pet him. Das right imma monki pettr. Hahaha =P
Suggestive Song(s)ta Download:
Koda Kumi: 1000 words

Current game playing: None

a Monki
Mood: N/A: 3-21-03 : 2:24 am
Yesterday on tha 19th had lotsa fun. started off wid a Hike by tha cliffs, followed by a visit to a private beach, lotsa rock throwing at a chunk of wood, more hiking, then lunch at Flippers, BOMB ASS food, Went to twin peaks, then out to Palace of FIne Arts in tha rain, was light rain , very romantic, back home for some bleaching, met with Bonnie, Eddie n Jess, headed to Ghiradellhi Square, ICe creamed, went to St Francis for a cheap thrill, walked through union Square, back home and some more Nicely spent time. Special day... yeah.If i smile n laugh anymore i think imma break. It's tha 21st today, but gotta wait a few more hours.... oh can't wait...!!!!!!!!
Suggestive Song(s)ta Download:
Crystal Kay : Hard to Say

Current game playing: None

Mood: N/A: 3-19-03 : 1:24 am
tatto all good. Heres pix from tha fashion show party. Tonny fell in love wid one of tha models. just a few more dayz. come ta think of it. . . it'z Wed?! Oooo Few more Hourz =D heheh
bah... lazy....
Suggestive Song(s)ta Download:
Crystal Kay : BoyFriend part 2

Current game playing: None

Here i come
Mood: N/A: 3-12-03 : 3:12 pm
tattoo doesn't hurt, but it's startin ta itch like hell now. Got ambushed at a cream attack the other nite. Can't wait till fri, got reservations for a Men's Fashion party, guess what the theme iz? heheh Swim wear. HahahAH imma get my drink on, n then a week from that iz tha 21st. =D
Suggestive Song(s)ta Download:
Koda Kumi & BoA : The Meaning of Peace

Current game playing: None

Mood: I still don't know: 3-08-03 : 3:14 am
Got my tattoo last nite... wuz really big. Didn't mind the pain, mah body iz prone to physical pain. Giya, and Rose all tryin ta make me scared =P SCREW You TwO I made It THrough Widout a Flinch. YEAH!. Getting tha tattoo made me feel alot better actually, and thanx ta Emily, Derek, and TOnny.... The process wasn't all that bad. Most of you have seen the pix of it so far. but i'll post em up publiclly once it'z looking healthier. Thanx u three. Bonnie watched n cringed. Eddie tried ta smoke a french fry. Mind leaving limboville soon. Site may go under mad Construction. can't wait til the 21st ;) Am i feelin better now? stop by and see me for yourself. Vincent, therez a chunk of u that rubbed off me in ways you'll never know Hahahah. =P Anywhoz, gotta head ta work. SHout outz to my Angel Emily, and Trina. To my Fellow LEos Giya n Jacoby. the Good Exes Sion, Derek, n Ken. JEff... hope thingz work out wid u. JJ,hang in there, i gotz your back. Bonnie and Eddie... waiting ta hear back bout Donna's "day" hehehe. Donna, you can have PoizonFluffy. Anyone else i forgot... Just gimme some more time still at 80% right nowz =T. ~I want to know the meaning of Peace, Love, and Lonliness~
Suggestive Song(s)ta Download:
Koda Kumi: True Emotion

Current game playing: None

Mood: I still don't know: 3-01-03 : 3:16 am
Just got home frm Pool, alchohol, nite seeking and LOTS of racing. it wuz like sitting in on a set for "Fast n tha Furious" Loads of fun
Suggestive Song(s)ta Download:
Amanda Perez: Angel

Current game playing: None

Rock Bottom
Mood: I don't know anymore: 2-24-03 : 2:04 am
Where does the pain end ? when do they stop getting rid of me? My engagment with my fiance was just all thrown away tonight. He claimed and pretty much showed me that things were ok. BUt at the end all the problems showed up and i wasn't given that chance and/or attention to voice my help through the ordeal. So far peepz told me that thats called "leading On" but i. . . i don't know. Things were so perfect between me and him. and in a whisk, it was all taken away from me. Even when we were discussing it over the phone it didn't seem like you reacted much to my feelings. I'm not a person that beats behind the bush, i like things direct and honest. HE knew that. I don't get it.... Why did it have to end so sudden and so brief. Why couldn't he had told me ahead of time. He says he's brought it to my attention before, and i slowly "fixed" things. but to lead me on like this and take it all away with just his thoughts really hurt me bad. Why? why? whY? Why spend so much emotion, time, and money and throw it all away?? What made me cry the most was how cold he was being over the phone and how he wouldn't even give it to reconsideration. I mean what ever happen to a Relationship being a two way street? IT was one this time, his way. I tried to make things better and although he said it was too late, i thought if you truely wanted to be with this someone you don't set a "deadline" and say it's too late. It really hurts to be told "Oh yeah, i'm too busy right now, i'll call you later" when i'm desperatly tryin to save the relationship. I tried and tried... and it .. just..... didn't work . =*(
Suggestive Song(s)ta Download:
Eryka Badu: Love Of My Life

Current game playing: None

Spiralling Down
Mood: Bummed out / Tired / Really miss my Fiance: 2-18-03 : 3:13 pm
On top of Sundays i also think i really dislike my Tuesdays as well.

Some how last nite i cut my left eyelid, and it's been a pain in the ass all day. NOt only that, but somethings up with my Right eyelid. It was itchy last nite, and now it's swollen and theres a rash on it. I considered takin my contacts off, but... no good. Time to break out with the topical solution again ughhh...

Anywhoz , I'm at home now resting for work at 4:30. Needa get through the day with my Evil Co-worker from hell "Johnson Ng". GOd, swear, someone needs ta run his lil 4'5 ass over with a truck.

I could barely pay attention today in class , and kept falling asleep everywhere. On the Bus, on the BART, going and leaving home. Anywhoz, i dun really feel like writing anymore for now. I'll eventually get out of this binge i guess. Just need some time. =T
Suggestive Song(s)ta Download:
Eryka Badu: Love Of My Life
Faith Evans: I Love You
No Doubt: Running

Current game playing: PS2: Dynasty Warriors 3

Mood: Bummed out / Tired / Head is Pounding / Really miss 9 jai: 2-17-03 : 12:13 am midnight
I'm begining to really dislike my Sundays. Sundays and Tuesdays in fact. Tuesdays; cuz i'm stuck with my other co-worker whom i REALLY hate named Johnson. One word that puts him in play is "Shark". wells maybe it's not that i hate Sundays, just that on Saturday i had alot running through my head. So much that i decided to clear my head by going to work about an hour early. Through the rest of the day i busted my ass off sellin, sellin, and sellin. And achieved my sales goal by about 145% =)i guess that was a good thing.

Today was the same As that Saturday. I had a load of stuff running rampant through my mind and decided to head to work early. I tried the life of my self to sell but only achieved about 76% this time. There was also a big commotion going on outside our building in the streets. Them anti-war protestors i guess got really rowdy and Some Anarchist group formed. About 1000 of them took to the streets and began there own protest by burning the american flag on market st. Things start to get outta hand when fights broke out between them and the Riot squad. They started Throwing rocks, paintballs, scaring the horses that some of the police rode on, while the police began to beat some of them down with there nightsticks and teargas. Twas a night to remember.

So far i've been doing ok at school. just had a few tests over last week. But that aside, things have been picking up on all the wrong ends this year. Things in the begining are always bumpy i guess, That would also explain these strange headaches i've been getting.. Ughhhh... As far as anything with this site..... wellz, i'm still in the process of cleaning out my comp, and i have a few new project ideas i'd like ta get started with. But with my drives getting more and more jam packed with MP3s .... wellz... like i said... it's cleaning time.

Heres me and 9 jai. And a list of stuff ta purchase this year i guess.

Suggestive Song(s)ta Download:
Evanescence: Bring me To life
Jin tha MC: Eeny Meeny
Swollen Members ft. Nelly Furtado: Breathe

Current game playing: PS2: Dynasty Warriors 3

Mood: Happy Happy: 1-16-03 : 11:40 pm
Same o day.

Went to school and Dropped my English class only to add a Honors Asian American studies class. After school went out to have lunch with Geary, Went to work. Worked, sold $901.74 in 4 hours. Got home, and to my surprise i had a package. what was it?? it was my Androids!! =D Hahahah i was SO happy. My 9jai Sent me all the Androids. =D i couldn't stop smiling, needa make new room in my room.

On top of all that, i bought "The Sims" for my PS2. . . . . . . yes. . . i have a new social life. below is a pic of "my Mom" from "The Sims" passed out and sleeping outside on the sidewalk, with a puddle of her own pee next to her..

Suggestive Song(s)ta Download:
Missy Elliot ft Jay Z: Back in the Day
LeAnne Rimes: Reviews My Kisses
Jennifer Lopez ft. LL cool J: All I Have

Current game playing: PS2: The Sims

Mood: Super bored: 1-10-03 : 5:00 pm
So i'm sittin here at home bored off my ass.

Yesterday i recalled three old requests by some frenz who asked if i could make a collage for them. These requests were made since last fall or even Last summer, it's just that i got so caught up wid school and work, i forgot. So finally i got around doing them and wellz. . . . . yeah. At this moment, i'm waiting for Tonny to call me so we can meet up, but he's JUST getting off work, and has to run a few errands.

Last nite Tony from NY couldn't sleep again and was on the phone wid Jessie. We both gave him a afew ideas... dunno if they actually workd or not. Key: Jess stayed home ALL day yesterday, so her mind was pretty warped. While on the phone wid Tony random weridness hit us both while we played around with all sorts of stuff in the kitchen. we took a picture of one of our weridness.... it's at the bottom for you to gander and be afraid of.

below are the collages that i made for Dre, Roy, and Trina. The following picture is of Weridness from last nite.

Suggestive Song(s)ta Download:
Kylie Minogue: Come into my World
Madonna: Die Another Day (Deepsky Mix)
Paul Oakenfold ft. Nelly furtado and Tricky: The Harder they Come

Current game playing: PS2: Dragon Ball Z Budokai

Hate Customers
Mood: Hungry/itchy: 1-07-03 : 12:07 am (midnight)
Yesterday i got into prolly by far the biggest arguement ever in my working life at Macy's. It wasn't just me though, it was Me and Yasuko (Japanese Woman) vs. Paranoid piece of shit black guy. Heres how it went:

A strange black man came in and had a shirt and a pair of pants he wanted to return. I was busy talking to Alice (Other co-worker) and The black guy went over to the Liz Claiborne counter where Yasuko was. Yasuko asked the man for the original receipts and the man gave it to her. Problem was, there was only one receipt that had the pants on them. She asked him for the other reason to the shirts, and he blew up. The nutcase started complaining that he had made a return earliar and that there was no trouble, and while yasuko tried to explain it to him, he'd interupt her and said he was outraged, and offended. Yasuko felt very uncomfortable and asked the man to wait one second and came over to ask me to take care of the transaction. Now, it's company policy for any of our associates, if they feel uncomfortable, they have the right to step aside and have a manager, or another sales associate take over. I've dealt with a handful of bitchy, and evil customers with my time at Macy's, as well as i'm always willing to help people out. As i started walking to the counter, he began yelling at yasuko. "Excuse Why are you walking away from me, Hey, i'm talking to you, You stay right here in front of me" was heard loud and clear, and i stepped to the counter with Yasuko, asking her what needed to be done, and what the situation was. The man then began yelling at her " Why did you just walk away from me and have this young man come over??" over and over again racing his voice more and more. I then asked the man what he wanted to do with the clothes, and he said " Excuse me, was i talking to you? No!, i was only here talking to her and you don't have anything to do with this so stay out of it and mind your own business" Funny thing was, i kept my cool and answered the man's question. I told him about our policy on "Uncomfortable associates", the man then started to BLaber about "Oh it was rude and offending how she walked away like that, SHe's just scared because i'm a black man!" The man then started Yelling at me, saying that i had no place in the arguement, and i was immature and racist for stepping in. The arguement went back and fourth between The three of us, and Yasuko sstayed behind me, because the man was getting more and more aggressive. I picked up the phone and called security and they asked me a few questions about the stuff he was trying to return while another person sent up a manager. While i was on the phone, the man told me to hang it up, and step aside, everytime i tried to explain ANYTHING to him, he'd throw in " You're only treating me like this cuz i'm black" pure Bullshit. Customers and other associates stood a few feet away from us and watched as words were exchanged without ends. At one point the man put his hand in front of my face, telling me i was rude. When the manager stepped in, he asked what was going on, and the man began to throw in that whole "racist thing" and made a bigger scene. He began to talk shit about My coworkers accent, and how she shouldn't even be working for Macy's, that she was unprofessional, and Kept going off on the insults to her. Then he points at me, and said i had no bussiness with all this and that i was out of line for telling him to calm down, that I needed to calm down, and need not to call security, throwing in "You're immature, and you should be thankful that i'm never gonna see you again, because they are going to fire you". While through this he began to BS about how he hires 138 people at his place and that he was a Macy's Card holder, that he's all important, and if any of his workers acted like me or Yasuko they would've been fired. While the manager was listening in on all this , and the man began to further insult me, and began to correct his words, we argued back and fourth and the manager finally got us to stop, but only a few seconds went by when he begun to go off at Yasuko again. The manager then told everyone to spread out and he'd deal with it on his own. I took Yasuko to my Dept and she sat in our fitting rooms, crying. I was standing there in wait of what was to come next. All my other co-workers came by asking what had happened, and i couldn't give them the whole deal. about 30 more mins later, i finally see the manager walk off the floor with the man, and security calls me back to see was all the info provided on his receipts to see if this person has a record and that he's legit. SO far i haven't heard any feed back yet from the manager.

Today i got to chill out a lil and went out to get some Dragon Ball Z DVDs. I've been getting back into the series, because there was the saga that i've ALWAYS wanted to see ever since i was in middle school. It was the Androids Saga. the thing is, back in that time, we didn't have Dragon ball here in the US, only in Japanese Manga Books. i went to a video store and found a episode, but it was FAR from the ones i wanted to watch, plus it was in Japanese without any sutitles. so Years went by and the series FINALLY, makes it to the US. After a while i finally decided to watch one of the DVDs of the episodes i wanted to watch. I loved it, so i continously went and bought mroe episode to watch.

After DVD'n i went home, then back out to meet with Tonny for dinner at Buca Di Beppo's. We ate, got full, and hung out at a WaterFall in Downtown, and then a Bookstore off POwell Street. Afterwards, i went home, and here i am =P ahahahah fun day ehh?

Below are a few pictures. as many of you know, i collect figures, and toys. the First one is some lil funny i made with my New Lulu Doll (Frm my 9jai) and my old Rinoa Doll. The second pic is of the two Cammy's ( from Street Fighter) i have. THe one on the right is from a Chinese based company, while the other smaller one is made from the same company that makes GI Joe. Hmmz. . .quality. . .look. . .which one looks better hahaha. The third bunch of pics has a slight history story to it: Many companies have tried to make a "Alien Vs. PRedator set" and only have failed, or have made it REALLY YUCK. I have the first set that Hasbro made of the Alien vs. Predator bit, and the newest one made by Todd Mcfarlene ( The guy that makes Spawn toys) BIG difference huhh? I'm sure you can tell which is which from the pics. Final Picture is the whole box set. =)

Suggestive Song(s)ta Download:
Solar Twin: Rock the Casbah
Bond: Allegretto
Nas: I can

Current game playing: PS2: Dragon Ball Z Budokai

still winter breaking
Mood: have to pee/really good: 1-05-03 : 2:44 am
It's still winter break and everyone has left the city and gone home. . . . . I'm left with nothing to do but work, ain't that grand. Wellz i guess it's cool for everything to calm down.

Nothing much, just worked today, went out had Dinner solo, chilled with Jacoby, went home and here i am. I threw up a few new pix of me, jess, and frenz here and there, i'm kinda lazy to really direct them through this thing. You might as well go back to the front index and navigate through there. I have a blog thingy BTW, just that i'm debating on using it as more of a rant column like how Carrie Bradshaw has a Sex Column in SATC. *Shrugz* gimme some time

Theres three pix at the bottom and i've been procrastinating about putting them up: The first two are of are patio, ya kinda gotta squint, but those lil dots are lil birds. Every winter we throw seeds outside for the baby birds to feed upon , and a flock of them invade our patio chirping away like women at Macy's during Super Saturdays. The second pic is of this new place we found in Chinatown.... the name of the place pretty much says it all, it's a store dedicated to azn munchie food stuff. MAn, gotta go there and buy em out hahahha.

Suggestive Song(s)ta Download:
Scooter: Devil Drums
J Lo: Jenny from the Block (Seismic Crew Latin House Mix)
Beyonce Knowles: Hey Goldmember

Current game playing: PS2: Marvel vs Capcom 2

Mood: Food coma/really good: 12-28-02 : 3:10 am
Ahhhh tha holidayz have Passed:

Work has been extremely heptic lately , espcially since most shoppers bombarded into downtown tha last four days before christmas, not to mention the crazy store hours where we get off at about 11:45 pm. uGhhhh and god knows how many people i was yelling at during this time too. You'd think, after all this time working at Macy's would shed some light to some of the customers who shop there often. . . . . NOPE. Some of them just seemed as lost as ever. *Sighz*

Had a holiday party on the Saturday b4 Christmas Eve. It was for everyone on my side of the floor at my work. Surprisingly, everyone showed up and gifts were exchanged. etc

My 9 jai arrived right on Christmas Day, and Bonnie and I went ta pick him up. I was ecstatic the whole way through. When we got home, Chocolate arrived around 3:30 pm and we all headed out too Cafe FLore for some drinks. After about an hour, 9 jai, Chocolate, Me, and Jess went home, and then begun the grueling cooking. You see, we were throwing a Christmas holiday party that evening and had to make sure that we had enough food for everyone to eat. So i spent a good ammount of time cooking my legendary Spaghetti. The list of people went like this: Rose, Matt, John, Ivan, Jess, Chocolate, Bonnie, Eddie, Tonny, 9 Jai, Giya, Me, 3 Aunts, one cousin, mom and three dogs. Indie, Mickey, and Happy. Food that was served: Spaghetti, mashed potato, Prime Rib, ham, Bread, Fruit Tarts, cake, some veggies, adnd lotz of wine. Everyone left full and happy. The dishes piled up like crazy and the all the wrapping paper was everywhere.

The following Friday Tak, Vince, Sion, and Matilda were up in the bay area and decided they wanted a mini tour for Matilda espcially to the fisherman's Wharf area. We went from downtown, through chinatown's wonderous smelling streets, and bus'd it the rest of the way to Fisherman's Wharf for some hardy Clam Chowder in a Bread bowl. Afterwards we hung at pier 39 for a bit and then bus'd it back downtown , headed to my place for a gaming frenzy. Smash Bros, Godzilla melee, Marvel vs. Capcom 2, Bomberman, Dragon Ball Z followed through the night, then we headed out to have dinner at Flippers, only to lapse into "Fullness" and go back to gaming back at my place.

This holiday has been great and very enjoyous so far, lets hope that it'll stay like this at the opening of the new year =) Not to mention all the GREAT gifts i got this year. In the mean time , you guyz will havta settle for these pix for now.

Suggestive Song(s)ta Download:
Puretone: Totally addicted to bass
Pink: Family Portrait
Kelly Rowland: Stole (Charlie's Nu soul Dub mix)
Danni Minogue: Put the Needle on it (Jason Nevin's Mix)

Current game playing: PS2:Dragon Ball Z Budokai

Mood: Exhausted/hungry: 12-10-02 : 1:30 pm
Poor little neglected Diary hahaha, Wellz Just wanna let you all know i AM alive. I know some of you are like "DAMN IT!" hahahah

These past months have been very heptic at school and at work, last two weeks have been the craziest so far. The most sleep i would get in a night would be 2-5 hours, and this is all because i get off work late, and i have homework to do. =T Last Tues ; i only had 4 hours of sleep preparing for our fashion show for my Fashion Merchandising Class. The day of the show, i woke up at 6:00am and left the house for school, with 4 HUGE bags of props, hangers, clothes, and other items for the show. I worked my ass off non-stop till about 2:00pm. The show was great, everyone loved our models, and clothes. My sister on the other hand kind of lost herself when she was out on the walkway. Thanx to everyone who helped us out putting on the show esp, the Models for helping out one another, and putting on a great show.

With that out of the way, i had to continue working on my Autobiography that was due the following week for my Human sexuality class. Lets see. . . .One graphic for the book took me about 2-3 days to finish, while there was 13 chapters of my life to type up. I worked on this project like a mad man and by Sunday night, i stayed up till about 7:00 am and put most of it together. That morning when i woke up at 9:00am, i realized i was missing a whole chapter, and a few other things. so i quickly slapped everything together and got to school about 30 mins late. The book was 88 pages long without the includance of all my illustrations that were in them. The thing is, i prepared for a pressentation of the damn thing that day, only to find out they moved me till Wednesday.

To top off my busy schedule is work. Work is open till 11:00pm and 11:30 pm this month, so getting home, i would be back by at least 12:00 midnight, and then i have to work out, or do HW, leaving me little to no time to do anything else. Lemme tell you all this; DO NOT WORK RETAIL IN areas that are flocked with people, during the holidays. I mean yeah, the commission does kick in like a crayzie, but you deal with some of the WORST customers ever. I got in an arguement with this old Chinese guy that got pretty ugly. He was pushy, dumb, and trying to get a discount from me, which is complete bull. then he has the nerve to file a complaint against meonly to find that the two managers that came up also took my side of the story. What a jerk.

Withen the month i also got a hold of PS2: Marvel vs. Capcom 2, Gamecube: Metroid Prime, Gamecube: Resident Evil 0, PS2: Dragon BAll Z Budokai. and haven't really had the chance to go in depth with any of these games. But hey, as long as they're sitting in my living room, thats fine with me.

Worse Enough is tha fact that i haven't done my Christmas Shopping yet, and planning of our Christmas dinner. AHhhHHH!!!!!, I'll hopefully cover most of that by this friday. As far as anything else, . . . i miss sleeping. Oooo! and Chocolate said i look like i gained some weight. The last time i saw him was in August. you DO NOT know how much better that made my day. Hahaha. Wellz anywho i'm just gonna leave now with these pictures for your reference to anything. Good Luck if any of you are goin through Finals at the moment.

These pictures were provided by One of our Models Stacey. Thanx. The illustration is one of the many that i've done that're found in my Autobiography. and tha last picture is a really random pic of my stuff animals that sleep with me: Fluffy and Fluffy

Suggestive Song(s)ta Download:
Shania Twain: Ka-Ching
Shania Twain: It only hurts when i'm breathing
TLC: Damaged
Missy Elliot ft TLC: Can you hear me

Current game playing: PS2:Dragon Ball Z Budokai

Mood: cold / waiting for my 9 jai / "bakey": 10-23-02 : 7:30 pm
Wellz "Squishy" Jessie's Pet Savannah Montier Finally breathed his last breath this morning at around 2:00 am. I got her that lizard 7 years ago and we have NO clue how it died. =T During the after math Giya came over and Jess just couldn't deal wid Squishy's Death so she started bringing it around and playing wid it as if it were still alive. Ya know. . . .i always thought i wuz tha weridest one in tha family. Jess Also suggested that she stuff tha poor thing and keep it in her bed. But in tha end we decided on incinerating tha thing and scattering his ashes else where.

I dunno why, maybe it'z tha influence by William , but i've been in a very bakey mood lately. I've baked Cupcakes, bread, Muffins. and I'm having alot of fun wid it. Hmmz. . . maybe it'z tha inner gay me tryin ta reach out hahahha. But all aside i think imma bake some brownies tonight. NO NOT "Special" brownies. hahahah On that note, i'm pleased ta say i've been alsmot 3 years completely drug free ( Discluding ciggs) and I'm very happy bout that =D Heheheh

At this very moment i'm eating a piece of Fried Chicken from Popeye's . OMG there Chicken iz tha Shiet. KFC ain't got shiet on Popeye's Hahahah

BTW, we JUST found out that Indie isn't a full bred pomerainian. He's got some Chihuahua in him. That would explain ALOT.

Suggestive Song(s)ta Download:
Shania Twain: I'm gonna Getcha good
Angie Martinez ft Missy Elliot: Whats that Sound

Current game playing: Game Cube: Mario Party 4

Mood: warm / missing my 9 jai : 10-13-02 : 9:00 pm
Believe it or not, i'm actually typing this wid one hand while tha other hand is playing tug o war wid one of tha dogz. Ughhh. Wellz. I bascially worked this entire weekend and i'm kickin back at home for columbus day. I'm dog sitting Mickey, Ebony, Indie, and Happy too. so it's been a pretty. .. . . interesting day. =T

On another note, my cell phone screwed over. =( Somehow it got some soap lodged into the reciever and no one can here me talk . So now i've had tha thing sent back ta "fix" and i'm stuck wid a clunk one for the next 3-4 weeks . It'z that stupid one wid tha Sleeze that you can peel off. and since my LG doesn't use a SIM card i had ta write down a list of numbers that're important n i'm not even gonna bother puttin them all inta this phone. I'm lookin at the "temp" phone nowz. . . .. i wanna burn it.

i got the GOdzilla game last week and i've been playin a mix of that, Kingdom hearts and Tekken 4. So tahts been taking it's toll on my mind as well.

School sent me another notice sayin that i'm on academic probabtion AGAIN. This really sux, cuz now i havta go and meet wid tha counselor and discuss it. It's odd though, cuz last time my counselor told me that if i were ta pass all my class last sem, i'd be fine, which i did. I really think theres some kind of conspiracy that the school district of SF has against me. fuckin traitors.

Mid-termz is coming in, my fashion class is hell, it'z too much ditz-ness for an hour and a half. i can't put up wid it anymore. i feel like my brains gonna explode soon or something.

ohz and BTW,I've been quoting ALOT of you people lately. GOnna throw them all up soon. =)

Mickey is the BIG fluffy white one, Indie is the lil golden Pomerainian, Ebony is the Black one, and Happy is the lil white american eskimo.

Suggestive Song(s)ta Download:
M-Flo: How You Like Me Now
Utada Hikaru & Shena Ringo: I won't last a day without you

Current game playing: Game Cube: Godzilla Melee

Same O
Mood: Back pains / Full of Pepsi / missing my 9 jai : 10-08-02 : 12:35 am (midnight)
What else is more exciting then a day of school yeah? hahahaha

It wuz a Scorchin 87 degrees today IN SF! thats Fuckin rare. I spent tha day at school. In my Human Sexuality class, We had speakers from CUAV, which stands for Community United Against Violence. They have a Speakers bureau that i'm actually a part of where they send gay folks off to schools and talk to students about there life and try ta break tha str8 vs. gay barrier. The grades can go as low as 3rd grade classes up to college or universities. The Speakers did a great job, and there seems ta be some really cool str8 people in my class on views of gays. One girl preaching power to the gays. hahahahah. It made me feel happy ta see and here that those barriers are being knockd down.

On aonther note heres a Phone Number 415-356-9833. Call this number, listen, and Save it. It'll come in handy for some of you. What is it? call it =)

Tha rest of tha day i stuck around at home taking showers and enjoying the heat. While at tha same time, taking care of my friends dog. He's a Good puppy, just pees and poos everywhere. =T and Mickey and Indie don't get along wid him either. Indie though HATES the puppy and barks and yaps for attention whenever it's around. If nothin happens then Indie will run and ride. Stupid dog.

Wellz my mind is blank at the moment so. . . . wish me luck. My "Class of Ditzville" is tommorow morning. =T

Suggestive Song(s)ta Download:
M-Flo: How You Like Me Now
Utada Hikaru & Shena Ringo: I won't last a day without you

Current game playing: PS2: Kingdom Hearts

Die another Day
Mood: Full of Pepsi / missing my 9 jai : 10-01-02 : 2:30 am
Schooled today( wha? Again???). NO wait actually there wuz Something new that happened today at school, We had a Quiz =O. Hahahahah

It's been a weekend since i wrote in this thing last letz see Hmmz: Buncha Frenz who've moved down ta south cali have called me comfirming there new cell phone numbers, work wuz usual and school wuz usual. Anything intersting you ask? You betcha.

First off, I did a radio interview thing with the talk show host of "subversity". It aired on the 24th and there wuz a .rm file that i got a chance ta save of the entire interview. Once i figure out how ta throw that on here, you'll all get a chance ta hear me bitching about everything hahahaha. The show is a Target on azns, and the host some how landed on my site and sent me e-mails about doing maybe a small interview with him. I wuz JUST getting my classes straightened out at school and my scheduling totally was random, and i havta apologize to Mr. Dan Tsang about missing that first interview time hahaha. But anywhoz, it's just options on my views of the castro, Gay youth Centers, gay azn people, and my life story. Fun eh?

Another thing i've picked up was on my site tracker. University of California: Irvine (UCI) has an Asian American studies Class ASAM 150. It's a Asian americans and Popular culture class, and was wondering where a few of my hits were coming from. I scrolled down here class schedule to find that on Nov 26th theres a small thing on Deviance, Youth culture, and policing and my site was a featured link for that class session. When i saw that, i was SO elated, and happy. The reason? Wellz, my site isn't up on the web for just my personal stuff( pix and stats) i wanted people to check out my site and come on a regualar basis LEARNING something. Thats the point of my site. theres alot of misunderstanding in the world today about gayz and Aznz, though my voice maybe small and one out of millions, i'm still doing my part trying ta better educate people what "some" ( not all) gay asians are about. That we are human, we are asian, we are part of that big blood family. Ms.Glen Mimura, Mr. Doug Hodapp, and Mr. Dan Tsang Thank you SO much. =)

On another note, it's already been me and 9 jai's 2nd month. =D Happy anniversary hun

You know, i just recently met a new friend by the name of DJ Elixur. I've decided to make her one of my local "calmers". SOmething i've noticed, i'm begining to become more and more aggressive and pissed each day. Why? i'm still unsure. Maybe cuz i don't have anyone to vent out to lately and the anger is building up. But anywho, Me and Miss Elixur exchanged alot of thoughts on some philosophyz that you hear all the time. Those philosphys though. . .i don't like em, they always seemed so. . .. not me. Example: "Forgive and Forget" Think about it, if you forget what was done, all you're really doing is throwing it deeper into your mind and "hiding" it. It's human nature, when something happens, it DOES not easily go away. In another case, if it's traumatic. . .. you're pretty much fucked. I mean sure forgiving is ta let go and move on, but what if that person has a mental disorder where they can't get rid of what happened? what if it was rape? what if it was some best friend who killed your mom. I know these may sound extreme for examples, but heyz, they do happen. DJ Elixur replaced that thought in my mind though With "Forgive but never forget" Coming frm her, it made ALOT of sense that way. I quoted her on a few other lines in my Quotes section. Go check em out. =D

Words for Thought: it's a lonely winter this semester, but i gotta pull myself through. I havta be ready for when my 9 jai comes back, For when Vince comes back, For when Jen Comes back. CAn't let nothing bring me down or let my anger control my thoughts. I will grow stronger this winter. I've got SO much more to work on, see, experience. All the people i care for. . .gotta be there for them and help them whenever they're down too. I won't die today, I'll die another day.

Heres some pix of my room that everyone always wants ta see. hahahah yeah it's hard ta see, but there pix all over the walls, ceilings, blades and knifes over my bed, LOTSA toys, and lil Shrine area, My Collected series of Tod Mc Farlene's Monsters, Tortured Souls 1, and tha other pic shows my Puppet Master Puppet Collection.

<--------- Forgot about these "possibilities: Marvel vs. Capcom 2 (PS2), The Sims (Ps2)

Suggestive Song(s)ta Download:
Madonna: Die Another Day
Ji Ah: Goh Baek Hal Gae

Current game playing: PS2: Tekken 4

Ripped out
Mood: mind numb/ missing my 9 jai : 9-26-02 : 2:30 am
Schooled today.

Wells in our class we were talking about marriages and "singlehood". The percentages he gave us were REALLY interesting, like 1 out of every 2 people in the US will file for divorce in there mid 30's. The percentage of women living single lives has gone up 40% since 1990. Sex pre 1970s vs. sex now, which is better? Now. Why? cuz people are talking about it more and more. back then it used ta be a "unspoken" thing ta talk about, but now it seems as if it's WIDE in the open. It's on TV, commericals, it's pretty much everywhere you turn. Another interseting fact i learend in class today was that; did you know 3 years ago the state of Alabama passed a law making vibrators illegal? It's amazing what ya learn in this class. (Human Sexuality) Another topic we touched base on was the whole monogamy and polygamy shpeel, theres something out there called "Serial Monogamous" , where one person dates and sleeps with many people, but only restricting themselves with one at a time. *looks at Jessie* hahaah j/p

Aside from that i pretty much stayed home the rest of the day chatting with frenz and workin on this god awful Poster for mah Fashion Coordinations class. I feel sleepy and light headed at the moment. .. i think i shall sleep.

heres some pics for your enjoyment though:

<---- the story on this. ( you havta sit back a lil ta really see it) Some mosquito bit me on mah ankle the other night and it was irritating me. So what does my briliant ass do? i scratch it. Soon it began ta get even more itchy, and i dug my nails into the flesh and ripped the whole thing out. Gruesome ehh? It doesn't itch anymore but it sure iz a bitch ta take a bath in warm water.

i've tracked down a small list of things i'm shooting for for the rest of this year to buy, this is just as far as my collection of games and Figures. the list is smaller, TRUST ME. originally this earliar this year, there wuz SO many things i wuz lookin into buying.

from Left to right: Tekken 4 (PS2), Clive Barkers Tortured Souls 2 Collection, Godzilla Melee (Gamecube, yeahs that right i'm a godzilla dork, happy =P), Mario Party 4 (Gamecube), Grand Thefy Auto: Vice City (PS2), Resident Evil 0 (Gamecube), Metroid Prime (Gamecube). How much will this all cost? (Don't worry lo gung.) i have gift cards and credit a plenty. Heheheh *BAM!* ZzzZzzzZzzZzzzzzzzz
Suggestive Song(s)ta Download:
Whitney Houston: Whatchalookinat
Utada HIkaru: Play Ball
Tweet: Oops! Oh my (Liquid 360 mix)

Current game playing: PS2: Kingdom Hearts

Mood: knee hurts? / missing my 9 jai : 9-23-02 : 2:10 am
Nothing really interesting happend today ( the 21st of Sept ) but i COMPLETELY forgot about my Friday hahahah. Wellz. . .not all sure what i did that day, just watched Ballistic with Tonny. We watched it only expecting violence and Lucy Liu. If you plan ta watch the movie too, ONLY keep those two things in mind, don't watch it for any other reasons of expectations. Ya know, it boggles my mind that she only started out as just a Ally McBeal characters actress. Nows she's gettin inta tha martial arts and actions world. Wasn't she a bitch in Alley Mcbeal? Hmmz Dunnoz. . . She wuz a Bitch in Sex and the City thoughz hahahahah.

Ya know Tonny pointed something out that i find quite odd: Alot of people like ta stare, but when it comes ta people stareing at me, they dun just stare at mah feet, or body, or face. People always seem ta Look me Directly in tha eyez. I mean thats kinda rude don't ya think? wellz. . not kinda. . .HELLA. I've readjusted to wearing sun glasses now and looking right back at the "stareer". sometimez i'll sneer at them or just look all insane. ( which really doesn't take much effort ta do). It's not just them though, what scares me tha most is that it seems as if ALL religious figures give me dirty looks too. Monks, nuns, Fathers, tha workz. Evil People. . ..*GrOmblez*

I'm begining to dread fridays. It's my only day off, but i always find myself draggin my carcass everywhere in a frenzy of busy-ness, and burnin myself out. =Tmaybe i need rest. . .. sounds good ta me. . . . .
Suggestive Song(s)ta Download:
Eve & Fatboy Slim: Cowboy
KISS: Because i'm a girl
Rina Aiuchi: Purple Haze

Current game playing: PS2: Kingdom Hearts

Rant rant
Mood: REALLY Fuckin tired / missing my 9 jai / easily irratable : 9-21-02 : 1:27 am
Work lasted from 4:45- 11:04 pm tonight. =( Today was a big sale day . -_-;; and i wuz working wid Guian in my dept, while tha whole place kept getting fucked up and torn apart by shoppers. Literally, i would've put something back , not even a whole minute later it would just land back on my counter ta be refolded. Instead we placed ALOT of the clothes on folding carts and in stacks by the register hoping that people stay away from them. My manager wasn't in tonight and alot of my co-workers were out slacking off taking multiple breaks leaving me by myself tryin ta keep up wid all tha shiet from the fitting rooms, and my dept ta recover. It was a non stop assault, at one point i was standing at the reg ringing people for a good hour. I even started the day with a -211.81 on my commission cuz someone i rung up, returned there shiet. I ran around like a wild chicken that had it's head cut off, tryin ta make sure everything wuz coo. Fitting rooms clean, fronts looked fine, customers were being helped blah blah. i burned myself out at the end and something stupid happened. Macy's Mens forgot to sett there computer systems to time out by 12:00 midnight ( since we close at 11:00pm) On average the system shuts down at 10:30 pm when we close at 9:00pm. Wellz. . .. at 10:30 ALL the registers on my floor began to shut themselves off. then turned out ALL the registeres in the building had shut down.with this, no customers were capable to by there stuff, meaning . . .. no sales for the following 30 mins. So our floor do what we always do after a long days work, we walked around and started kicking people off our floor, so they can't fuck up anymore of the clothes. After that we didnt know whether or not we were supposed to close the registers manually or what, and it wuzn't till 10:55 pm that they announced it ovr the building to all the customers what happened. THe managers and security started to panic, cuz if we had ta manually shut down all the reg, that would require security to go around and pop ALL the registers open , associates would count tha cash and that would take us HOURS!. So instead we just sent the media down to the safe and started to clock out. wellz. . . . THe systems down that means. . .NO ONE couLD CLOCK OUT. Meaning that everyone who closed tonight pretty much worked for free. >=(

Jacoby drove me home tonight, and when i got back i went str8 inta eating my steaks. I took a bath and ponder something that had gotten my mind a blur for a while that me and tonny discusses many times:

WHy is it that when a person is talking on there cell phone, and they can't hear the other person speaking, they start yelling, talking louder over the phone? it still boggles my mind.

Me and Tonny stopped by "Holiday Lane" too, before i went ta work. Holiday Lane is a lil thing Macy's does everywhere where they dedicate an entire area for christmas ( yeah i know it's not even Oct, yet). We walked around and pretty much made fun of all the trees. Tonny's favorite wuz obvisouly the HArry Potter themed tree. We then went on ta talk about "What if me, Jen, Jess, and Tonny all made a tree for christmas together. On Jessie's 4th of the there would be marijuana growing off the plastic in some werid magical manner, Tonny's side would have lotsa laces, ribbons, Harry Potter, Sakura Cardcaptor, Botany equipment all cluttered up on it neatly, Jen's side would have Diamonds and decked in GUcci and Prada all over it, she'd use the tree for a her bag holder, and on MY side it would be all burned off with a little note saying "celebrated too early". Hahahahahha, As we walked around and made fun of pretty much all the trees, and steered each other waway from the ones that had Jesus all over it, i began ta think about this Years holiday. How i will be spending it hopefully with my 9 jai. I really hope that this winter holiday will give me happiness instead of tears. . . .that or me being moody againz. Wellz anywhoz, at the end of our lil trip through tha whole Holiday Lane experience i wuz a lil dissappointed. There wuz No one tree that i liked. then. . .there in the corner. . it stood.... all away from Jesus bible tree thing and the Christmas Tree that wuz deckd out wid chile peppers ( Shrugz). It wuz tha Chineze Christmas tree. hahahaahah Ya gotta see it ta believe it. It wuz SO. . .RED. heheheheh herez two pics i snapped of it.

Fear. . . .gotta remind myself ta rant that next time heheheh. . . .
Suggestive Song(s)ta Download:
Noemi: Y.O.U
Ayumi Hamasaki: Fly High (Vincent De Moor Mix)
Kelly Rowland: stole

Current game playing: PS2: Kingdom Hearts

Mood: Missing 9 jai / looking at Kingdom Hearts : 9-20-02 : 2:19 am
burn burn BURN, i got Burned!!!.

SF is having it's typical indian summer. ( our summer heat waves don't hit until late aug, and throughout sept and inta Oct) Today tha heat wuz CRAYZIE though. my class was actually let out early becuz of tha heat. On average, SF doesn't get hot cuz we're next to tha ocean. . wellz. . .pretty much surrounded by water almost, but when SF gets this hot. . .ughh, i dun even wanna think about SJ or tha east bay. I went to school barely wearing anything. Just some baggy blue jeans ( YES!!! BLUE jeans) and a vest that wuz very thin and it wuz opened. i'm still tryin ta get rid of that awful tank top tan line i got from tha summer, so i've resorted to not wearing it underneath like i alwayz do. I picked this up from mah 9 jai hehehehe, it felt SO awkward at first, but then i grew used to it heheheh. But even wid barely anything on, i was drenchd in sweat. Cuz knowin my stupid ass i just HAD ta walk fast wherever i wuz goin hahahah. afterschool i headed home and just stripped down to just my boxers and kicked back at home before.

my GOD even tha shade was hot, work flew by, with me cleaning everywhere all tha time cuz we had our execs and our new buyer walking my shop. wuz scary

Night fall came and i wuz left ta take tha bus home. ( DAmn you Jess, Rose, and ALan!!!) heheheh and even just joggin a small distance of a block would heat up my body REALLY quickly. SO by the time i got home, i had that disgusting "work clothes sticks to body" Feeling all over. I worked out a lil bit and then jumped in the tub ta lay down. Felt SO good afterwards.

After that i sat in front of tha comp waiting for mah Lo gung jai ta wake up, while chattin wid a buncha mah frenz. great i think i got Tanner too =T.

Tonny and i had Lunch today too, at McDonalds. Never AgAIN! keep forgetting how horrible the "food-like" food wuz. we chatted away and he brought up something: My Diary entries are a day ahead!!. HEheheheh it's confuseing i guess cuz i write my entryez tha NITe of that day . . .. just REALLY late into that day Hmmmz. . ..

i snagged these two pics from MTV's award show thingy. These were mah two favorite pics of some of mah favorite people:
Mary J Blige and Shakira (There Duet wuz Awesome. . .fogot wut it wuz for though)

Charlie's Angel of Rock Pink, Lisa Marie Presley, and Avril Lavigne
Suggestive Song(s)ta Download:
Spice Girls: Viva Forever (Tony Rich Remix)
Ms. Jade ft. Nelly Furtado: Ching Ching Ching
Pink: Family Portrait

Current game playing: PS2: Kingdom Hearts

Mood: Really needa Pee : 9-18-02 : 1:12 am
Had school today then work. WOW! A Whole day on ONE entry hahahah

Kingdom Hearts Comes out Tommorow YAY!!!!!! or wait. . .i mean Today!!! YaYY!!!!!

Spongebob Square pants needs ta be Dried up and then Throw into a pit of Fire

Ya know it wasn't until Tonny brought it to mah attention but. . . . ALOT of tha students in mah Fashion class and tha teacher are COMPLETE bubble headed air heads. My teacher doesn't know how ta work a VCR, she tried jamming in the tape upside down. after a few attempts she finally takes the tape out and sez, well i guess we can't watch this. Then everyones tell hers ta flip the tape over. After she does that, she plays tha damn thing and realizes it wuzn't rewound. She wants it to rewind, and for SOME reason she hits the fast forward button. LATER she realizes it's not rewinding and starts looking down at the control thingy and starts yelling at the VCR to stop. (???????) then hits ejects and sticks the tape back in tha VCR and some how breaks off the front flap thingy. Go fig

Got the Chance to talk to Vince today. Called him after work and he wuz at Ikea buying furniture for his apartment. Ughh lucky bastard, i like furniture shopping =(. but all aside he's doin good.

In the Mean time my 9 jai has been sleeping for the past 5 hours. gonna give him a wake up call soon heheheh.

It happened again. Ate Dinner, few mins later went str8 for tha toilet.

In the Mind of Darkness and Sorrow, did you ever wonder what my nightmares are composed of? Wells here your answer------>
Suggestive Song(s)ta Download:
Garbage: Cherry Lips
Utada Hikaru: Play Ball
Gloria Gaynor: I Never Knew

Current game playing: n/a

Damn it
Mood: Sleepy / 9 jai?? : 9-17-02 : 1:17 am
Lets See, Wellz. Went ta school today and learned about the female genitally. Yeahz i can see a bunch of you cringeing right now hahahah. Class is usually over at 2:30 but i had a eye doctor appointment at 3:00. there wuz NO way i could make it from City College all the way out to my Eye clinic place ( By Japantown) in 3o mins. So instead i told the teacher that i had ta leave around 2:00 . When time came by, i made a mad dash out towards the BART station and out back ta Downtown. By the time i got downtown and got on the bus to go to J-town, mah mom calls me and tells me that she had ta cancel the appointment and reschedule becuz something wuz wrong wid tha health insurance. =T All that runnin for nothing Ughhh *Sighz*

As many you already know we have another dog named "Indie". It's a Male golden pomerainian. Tha lil shit nugget is a BITCH though. it finds some sick amusement in shitting in front of my room door. Not only that, but it barks widly whenever someone puts there shoes on and leaves the door. We tried to spray it with water, but that just seems to piss it off even more. Once it gets workd up with barking, you NEVER hear the end of it. IT's not good when you have THAT and a Cockateil that whistles at high pitches, or mimics the Telephone tones. FINALLY while Jess was Cleaning Squishy's tank, she decided to put the Whole thing OVER indie incasing tha damn thing.Thank god, cuz when it barked, it wuz REALLY muffled and you could barely hear it =D hehehe

Helpd a few str8 frenz wid Graphix for there sites

Discovered that MOm's cooking makes me crap alot

two more days till i get Kingdom Hearts. Yay!!!

IT's been hell looking for the Lulu doll here in SF. It seems that the info that was released by Koto whateverz bout the release date of The Lulu Doll was flawed, but nonetheless, My 9 jai lo gung found one for me, and will be keeping it wid him till Christmas. when he told me he found it i wuz SO happY. It's not just the fact he got tha doll for me, it's cuz i nevr asked him for it and he already had it planned out. PLus the thought of spending the winter holidays wid him REALLYZ got meeh ta smile more and more. Love ya Hun *MUAHZ*

and BTW is it just me or does anyone else think the New Jack in the BOx Commericials are pure guinieus? ( yes i know i spelled it wrong)

this is Jess putting the glass tank over indie. Yay SIlence!.
Suggestive Song(s)ta Download:
Faye Wong: Wonderful (old pepsi commerical song)
Kelly Clarkson: Before this Moment
Missy Elliot: Work It

Current game playing: n/a

Locked Out
Mood: missing 9 jai / headache: 9-15-02 : 9:17 pm
Wellz yesterday was like any other Saturday, just work. It was Vince's last nite here in tha bay b4 he headed back down ta LA. he came by ta pick me and jess up and then went ta dropp off William , then Jess. After that me and Vince headed back home, then ta Flippers. After that we went back home and played Smash Bros for a lil bit and when my mom went ta sleepz, we went outside ta smoke. Now usually we leave tha 3rd door open a lil cuz we go outside widout tha keys. and tha front door usually pulls tha air outta our house and tha air would push it a little. Wellz, we closed tha door a little too close, and when we opened the front door, the third door slammed behind us. After that we couldn't get back inside for a while and we couldn't call Jess ta come home ta open tha door cuz she wouldn't have done it anywayz. So i spent a good 15 mins getting us back in tha house. I got mah pants dirty and then ended up stepping in Dog shiet on mah way back ta mah room =T.

Today. . . Sunday, wellz i just worked mah ass off tryin ta meet my sale goal and mah presales goal . Ughhh. . .. i'm supposed ta sell 1005.00 in a nite in sales, while 1500.00 by next week on saturday wid presales. So there expectations on us for this sales event iz pretty high. aside from that Midterms is already coming up too =T. ughhh. . on a brighter note, i recently got ta preorder "Kingdom Hearts" For my PS2. can't wait ta get it on Weds. HEheheh it's a RPG, and you know what that means. . .mah Minds gonna be warped until i beat tha game. Hahhaha ( i.e Final Fantasy) Ughhh....

BTW Happy Belated or Early b-day to: Tonny S, Vince L, Chris C, Coco L, David, and tha rest that i forgot but couldn't make it for dinner cuz too many of you were born in the same week. Sorryz =T

BTW i updated some summer pix from mah B-day dinner =) go check it out if ya get tha chance to. I'm also Really happy that KOFONLINE has used some Character portraits that I alerted Yay!. Hahahahah This entry is becoming pointless so imma end it here for nowz.

Here a old pic of me i digged out of my High school graduation. HAhahah I look SO happy!
Suggestive Song(s)ta Download:
Utada Hikaru: Letters
Ayumi Hamasaki: Vogue

Current game playing: n/a

Mood: missing 9 jai / feet hurt: 9-14-02 : 2:32 am
God. . . . woke up late today, was supposed to wake up at 10:01am ended up sleeping till 12:00 in tha noon. Ran right to the bathroom got ready and dashed out the house. Went to my workplace, picked up my paycheck, went to the bank, deposit, ran across the street, bought ciggerettes, called my 9 jai for a lil bit, headed out to the Embarcadero 4 EBX, Went back inta downtown, went to Chinatown, bought a phone card then friends bday gift, then back tracked to downtown, went ta Virgin got other friends bday gift, headed out to City College, Walked up a hill, went to MCdonalds ta get Tonny some french fries, went ta Tonny's workplace, dropped off the gifts, went back towards downtown ta church street, dropped off Mario Sunshine at Blockbuster, Went back downtown for something ta eat and ta meet Jess there at 4:00pm, ate pizza at Blondies, sat down at Union Square, met wid Jess, picked up Eternal Darkness, went to the EB on Powell Street, traded in tha game for credit to put Kingdom Hearts on reserve. FINALLY got to go home. Called mah 9 jai, talkd a lil, had ta get ready in 30 mins, went out wid friends ta eat dinner and have dessert, Went home, Chocolate and Vince came by, played smash bros, waiting for 9 jai ta wake up, and. . .wellz here i am. B4 i got ta go home tha first time, ALL that stuff wuz done withen 3 hours by Muni and Bart. crushed my arms through the doors a few times but HEY, i'm still here heheheheh. . . . God i miss mah 9 jai, and i think i need food and sleep. Zzzzzzzz......
Saw this POster on Powell. Thought you tech geeks might like it. =D

Suggestive Song(s)ta Download:
Christina Aguilera: Dirty
Kelly Clarkson: A moment like this

Current game playing: GameCube: Super Mario Sunshine

Up and runnin
Mood: missing 9 jai: 9-8-02 : 2:30 am
Woke up this morning ta Tonny playing Harvest Moon in the living room. . .. disturbing.hahaha

We had to head out to David's Bar B Q thing ta drop off his Bday gift. Lotsa friendly faces were there, but . . . It wuz odd, cuz tha two of us were the oldest ones there =T haha. We didn't stay long, just introd our selves, checkd out his room and dropp off the gift. After that we headed downtown cuz i had work. but wid that me and Tonny sat at Union Square for a lil bit cuz we got there early. We chit chatted about having what people crave, that would be power and money. One thought lead to another and all the devious things about conquering the world were brought up. Hahahah but realistically though, what would i do wid such power? Hmmz. . .wellz i'm never a person ta ask for much, example: If i won the lottery, the first thing i would do is buy myself a pack of ciggerettes. . .not a carton, but just one lousy pack. I dunno i guess it's tha way i wuz brought up by mah mom and thats not ta take things for granted or over spoil yourself. When it comes to that dept, i'm very suttle when asking for things. I guess in a way that makes me plain and simple ehh?

Work came after that and it wuz. . .wellz. . .work. Hahah i'm pretty sure alot of you guyz have heard me bitch'n and complainin bout it , but heyz, that comes wid any job. The day went by kinda slow. Tonny headed home for some studies, and mah 9 jai wuz out wid his frenz cuz it wuz one of there Bdays too. Jacoby bought a brand new car after his last one wuz side swipped ta death. He took me home afterwards and i went "hunting" for food when i got home. It seems that we've eaten everything in our fridge ( mom's been gone) and we were running outta resources. Got a chance ta talk wid mah 9 jai and poor thing wuz so sleepy, hehehehe . After all that i ened up playing more Mario Sunshine. . .ughh. . .kiddieish game it can be but. . DAMn game can get ya aggrevating hahahaah.
Suggestive Song(s)ta Download:
Ayumi Hamazaki: Surreal
Alanis Morrisette (parody): Wash Me

Current game playing: GameCube: Super Mario Sunshine

Mood: sleepy/missing 9 jai: 9-5-02 : 1:00 am
Uhh. . .. god. . . . Wells lets run a little update on what has happened since the last time i updated. Hmmm. . . . . Wellz a little "cool" news. I got scouted back in June to model for Pepsi. COULDA had tha chance ta meet britney spears ( hahah big deal) But i through it all off cuz of school and money. It was a dream of mines to get into the industry but. . .i'm not ready to travel all that much and leave alot of this stuff behind that i have in the city. so. . . .=T i spent a few days mopeing about it completely sad. =( AUghhHHH it wuz 150.00 ta 300.00 an HOUR !!!

Also got inta alot of problems wid some old people from tha past. =T Got so bad that security at work had to keep a close eye on me and escort me EVERYwhere i went. I was not allowed out the building at work widout security being there, and i always had a get a ride home. Tha car would havta be parked right in front of the employee entrance. What happened? wellz . . . a few of you already know i guess.

I met ALOT of great new friends this summer, alot of whom which sadly enough , dont live here either =T but heyz. . .theres always next summer.

Spent most of this summer busy on this site, working, hanging out with Vince, Bonnie, Kenji, Ko, Tonny, David and a whole slew of other friends. It's actually been quite fun even though i didn't get the chance to leave SF. The farthest i got to was Fremont Hahaha. I went to celebrate pride this year,( being absent for the last two) It was great. It seemed as if every step i took i'd bump into several old friends that all completely come from different places. I found myself constantly waving at people, smiling and giving out hugs. One of the girls i bumped into at Pride. . i haven't seen her in 4 years!! She wasn't the only one, some people around there i haven't seen for 3-6 years. It was incredible to be around SO many friends.

Another key element to my summer is Super Smash Bros. Melee. My GoD, playing a game like that while drunk, and being around other drunk or high friends . . . .theres nothing like it haahhahaha. speaking of drinking. . . .

My birthday passed by in July and i celebrated my 21st year of life on this planet with dinner at Buca Di Beppo's. Dinner was fantastic and so were the gifts and the . . . .wells, you guessed it.. . . Smash bros mini party afterwards. HAhahah.

This summer had alot of good times as well as bad. Me and the cow broke up in June after countless arguements months prior to the initial break up. Long story. Another note would have to be the fact that two of my exs have begun talking to me again. WantonBoi and Flyazn. Aside from that, i was also on constant alert trying to help a few friends get over there exs. It doesn't stop there though hahahah. I've also been training alot of newbies in this world to deal wid people like the ones i had to deal with in the past. I guess you can say i'm starting my own little army hahaha.

another note would havta be my voice and opinion. I got an e-mail from a guy who appearantly runs a radio talk show thingy down in the UCI area. Though timing was off and my schedule was VERY unstable, we ended up doing the interview over the phone. My thoughts about the gay world, asian issuses, my life, and some stories about my asshole exs. The show it self broadcasted not too long ago during the labor day weekend. I hope my words help reach out to some of the closed minded, naive people. Hehehe

On a better note. . .theres a ring on my finger. =D nuff said.

We also got a new dogg named "Indie" he's a Golden pomerainian.

Things i guess were turbulent during the summer and now they've calmed down. I'm in a more happier mood i guess. Though it's been tiresome from work and school. . . .i'm still hangin in there.

HEres a Pick up mah home.
and heres a pic of a tree eatings snakes =D thanx ta Bonnie!
Suggestive Song(s)ta Download:
Utada Hikaru: Parody
Soluna: Bring it to Me

Current game playing: GameCube: Smash Bros Melee

Mood: 5-3-02 : 3:51pm
WOW! WOW! WOW! It's tha Day after tha landmark of an event in my life, that would be Meeting Zhang Zi Yi at Macy's. She stopped by San Francisco yesterday at tha womens building Macy's representing for a watch company as tha new spokesperson. Me, Jess, Paul, and Simon got there early enough that tha wait wuzn't that bad. I Obviously wuz hyped and wuzn't expecting much. She's got tha sweetest voice, and tha silliest English, she's also VERY tiny, ta give ya a picture, she's shorter then meeh Ahhh! heheheheh anywayz, i drew a picture and gave it to her when i wuz Up, and at first i thought it wuz one of those, "Walk-by-take-autograph" thingyz, but after she signed my poster and given tha gift, she lookd at me, Smiled and Said "Thank You, oh! WoW! Your Hair looks really nice Tee hee" i wuz STUCK and as i walked away from where she wuz my mind went absolutley BLANK!! Heheheheh i guess thats tha feeling of being star struck. Jessie on tha other hand lost track of what wuz going on and by tha time she wuz in front of Zhang Zi Yi, she got lost as well. She told me that Zhang Zi Yi gave her that Tilted confused look, and jessie gave that exact same look back at her. . . .it wuz Cute, you'd have ta be there. Never have i seen my sister ever so Bewildered. BUt becuz of tha rush of security, Jess didn't get her Autograph. . . *SighZ* ever since that meet till now, i have a higher sense of esteem bout my hair. Heheheheheheh Wellz. . ..yeah. . . . . Tha Only other two celebrity's i ever met were Mayor Willie Brown and Kristi Yamaguchi. BUt this whole Zhang Zi yi thing went way beyond those other two. I may not be a Fanatic of her, but she made her marks as a Person representing the Asian race in todays media, which is ALWAYZ a Plus. Jess on the other hand Optd me, at work she got to meet Sharon Stone =( Appearantly she wuz shopping downstairs for a sweater. Grrrrr. . . . . I'll Put up the pics when i have them developed , and Scan the autograph when everythings done. Suggestive Song/Mp3 ta Download: Utada Hikaru: Final Distance (PlanitB mix): House mixd, Fast, Emotion-Full.

Mood: 4-19-02 : 2:23am
10 months and still going strong. Spent tha day at work bored ta death. Went to tha Protest on A&F. pissed me off what those shirts said.... pissed me off more wuz mah frend that thought tha shirt wuz cute and wanted one. And this is coming from a str8 , asian guy.. -_-;;
It's been s spinster type world for meeh lately, with deeps and dodges here and there. It's all in tha mind though. . .lotz of contemplate'n of things that i don't enjoy thinking about, and no matter how often i tell myself not to think about it allz . . i know for a fact that it'll eventually resurface what is it though?

i will ALWAYS remember tha day someone told me "You should stop dreaming, it's useless" those wordz tore inta meeh and left it'z largest scar ever in my life along wid lotza other lil things. To not dream is basically not to wish or hope. too things people hold dear in there life. Two things that keep a person alive and moving on. I do believe in hope though don't get me wrong. . . .just that sometimez i wish i could dream bout things like i used to. Dreaming and wishing makes a person more content with what they have. . .just. . . it's not real. In a way it's like lie'n to yourself and tricking your mind there maybe a possibillity of that "event" to happen. It's not false hope though. . .it's something deeper then that. what it is i don't think i'll be able to relearn. . . and it saddens me. . . Sure it prepares me to challenge all obstacles in todays fast pace world... but...... what will i be left with without Dreams.....

Never stop dreaming peepz. . . though it may seem like reaching for an impossible star. . . at least you've known you could try. And tha effort you use can teach you a few tricks or so. Don't become what i am.......
Suggestive Song/Mp3 ta Download: Utada Hikaru: Final Distance (PlanitB mix): Japanese, Emotion-Full, Fast.

Mood: 4-17-02 : 10:36am
Tommorow is Me and tha cows anniversary and i'm still waiting for tha following two months ta pass so a year will be hit. I'm happy with this all, but i stress at tha fact on what to do each month. I'm creative but lately , i've been in tha rut as far as finance, and mah ideas are i guess you can say ludicris when it comes ta $$ hehehehe but it's tha emotion that's put behind it that counts.

On another note i've been working hard on a new "project" some of you already got a glance at them. Featured will be pictures, Story lines, and poetry of my "13 Unforgiven Ladies" This will fit in on that number 13 button you've prolly noticed from b4 . . .that it just sat there. . .looking pretty. Wellz, once everythings all gotten together, it'll reappear on mah site and there will be lotz stuff on there for you all to enjoy =)

Wells as many of you all know we have a roomie. For tha some who know her, it's Jen. Things are great and she's such a sweetie, but she always has this adoring lil dark side to her. She's in direct training from me and Jess ( OooOo Watch out more Dez and Jess's hahahah) She loves telling her stories about her Times in NY and i'm always open ta hear. But i think back ta tha days when i developed such a Hate towards NY n everyone in it. Reasons i'm pretty sure you all know by now. It wuz hard for meeh ta deal wid back then, just tha mentioning of NYC would tear through mah mind and heart. I don't even know how long it took for meeh ta get over that hatred but i know it wuz a while. When it comes ta hate. . it'z easy for meeh ta get a lil carried away. at other times it's VERY nessacary. To this present day i've readjusted ta be more open minded about NY, and tha attacks hav opened my sympathy. a lil voice in mah head tries ta creep back up and remind me "Remember what happened Dez??" "remember how hurt you were?" " remember what you had ta go through?" "Remember tha tears, tha blood?" "Remember tha aftermath??" All these things rush in mah mind,.. . .but time has gone by and i break down each question in mah mind wid a "I DON'T CARE!!" Like everyone sez over and over "If it doesn't kill ya, it'll make ya stronger" and when i think about that it brings my mind mind into a higher state of content. To over look tha past and have that pain come back lil by lil is a bitch, but if you learn ta harness it and overcome tha pain and tha fear, you're ready for tha next challenge. It's like upgrading yourself, Make things work for yourself and never settle wid tha past. . .becuz ( in tha words of Charles) "Life is ALL about upgrades".

Suggestive Song/Mp3 ta Download: Paulina Rubio: Don't say goodbye: Mid-paced, Lovey, Dancy.

Mood: 4-13-02 : 10:35am
It's been a wiley nite and day, yesterday i went out wid Leo, John, Charles, Donna, Coco, Nelson, Adam, Jen and Vicky and went ta GE for some pool. It's been a while since i last went ta shoot pool, and i've grown rusty. but still, i enjoyed spending all that time wid them.

Busy as i am i've been doing some random thinkin bout writing a new book about the human mind. It's a wonderful lil topic i like ta talk about esp how the human mind can affect tha physciall appearance of that person. heheheheh More on that later

I've also been tryin ta re-connect wid some old and new friends, producing a more wider social circles. I've been away too long, and now i havta give myself a break. One of tha newest additions to our Group iz Adam. He'z a rather curious character, but we've taken him in.

Friends are a "must" in life. Esp my life, mah friends play the star roles, One of tha biggest stars is Angie. Many of you know her, or have heard of her from meeh, but she tops my list. We connected since day one upon our meeting one another, and since then we remained very close friends. I've been there for her, as well has she been there ALL tha time.

I will never forget tha night when i wuz sent ta tha ER (agaiN) and she sat in tha ambulance telling me everything wuz gonna be fine, and later when i reawoke in tha bed; I would think that my "X" at that time, would've been there next to tha bed in tha hospital, but it wuzn't, it wuz Angie. Now and then thinking bout this brings a happiness ovr me and a tear or two.

but she's been missing in actions now for almost 10 months now and i miss her so much. But i keep in mind, that this is just a pit stop and later in life i will bump inta her again.
Suggestive Song/Mp3 ta Download: David Usher: black black heart: Soothing, slow beat, soft rock .

What does it all mean
Mood: 4-5-02 : 10:35am
Jeeez. . .I really needa keep up wid thiz thing. . hahahah. I'm at school once again. . .given myself wid nothing to do except ta work on my sketchs. I'm working on new Collaboration pics that include tha Ladies of Death, Testament, Travesty, Liberty(testing name), and Vanity. Each pic will be black and white, and will come wid poetry. I guess you can say wid these pics and poems, i'm tryin ta create new Urban legends. Tha story line for each girl is different. For example, "Testament" was an Head Corp chick for something law firm in any downtown Financial district. Tha poetry goes that if you wander tha financial area alone one nite at 11:45 pm, beware, becuz she weaves through the streets as well searching for the balance of sanity and what your eyes see. Sure tha idea still needs some tweekin, but if i can get this up in tha air. .. it should be fun.

Lately things have been somewhat chaotic and odd. One nite i found myself actually questioning exactly how more insane i've been growing. but immediatly i terminate tha thoughts in my head so i don't end up driving myself back into a depression. aside from that, lots strange stuff keeps poppin up in front of me. It's always been a problem for me in which i see shiet thats not there. maybe it's hallucinations or maybe lack of sleep, i'm not quite sure. but either way. . . .i feel hostility in tha air. Not just around me but my frenz, and heaven forbid what i would do to protect my frenz. . . . You know those sayings that go "go wid your instinct" Mines is usually pretty sharp, but lately it's been VERY hazy. But either way, i know to stay strong and face whatever it iz that life will throw at me.

On a more happier note; My cow is up here visiting me, and i'm tryin my hardest ta spend time wid him. it's hard because i'm not on spring break anymore. I want to spend all the time i can wid him, but becuz of my schedules, it's been "bouncy". But either way he knows i love him and i'm tryin my hardest. It's been close to 10 months. it's been REALLY rocky in tha past, but we stayed strong, and i'm VERY pleased wid tha outcome. Tha best part is that he understands me pretty well. To be honest it's not 100% but around 80%. But either way i learn to accept it. Anywhoz, time for me ta Go Look for a Clean bathroom and take a crap. WIsh me luck You all.
Suggestive Song/Mp3 ta Download: Missy Elliot ft. Eve : 4 My People (Basement Jaxx Mix): Fast, Hip-hop, Dancy.

Spring Break is Ovr
Mood: 3-30-02 : 2:52am
I'm home. . . .After spending almost a week in LA again. . . It was wonderful. I feel well rested, ALOT less stressed, and at ease.Too many interesting things happened going to, and in LA. Too much that it'd take too long ta type it all. But heres a Brief mash of everything:
Racing, Shopping, Eating ALOT, Beach combing, Getting Speeding ticket, Playing Gautlet for tha Gamecube, Dinner At Cheesecake factory wid Jess, Jeff, Sion, Nancy and Vince, In-and Out Burgers, Chillin wid Jenny, Bumping into Cindy and Marcelo, Bus trip home, etc. Best of all, my cow was under his best behavior =D and We spent alot of quality time together.
Being back in SF though takes me about a day or two ta readjust. Gotta get back onto tha whole routine wheel. . . . Kinda blank minded though. . . . Maybe cuz i needa eat more. . . . If you own a PS2, GO RENT "FATAL FRAME" if you have heart problems and don't like scary shiet, dun't rent it. Great game, scary as Hell though.
Suggestive Song/Mp3 ta Download: Shakira : Te Aviso Te Anuncio: Spanish, Tango, Fast Tempo .

HEY D4! it'z a New Era: C5
Mood: 3-11-02 : 11:45am
Hahahahahah, Wellz, . . thiz iz Odd but, for tha past dayz i've been pondering an easier way for me ta type or even talk bout mah outingz wid mah frenz. Tha Usual Five that we are. I notice it becomes a hassle saying or type all there names (Will, Jen, Tonny, Jess, Me) and i thought ta mahself, Hmmm. . . . What if we had a group name. . that would make it ALOT easier. So immediately i start thinking about tha D4s and thought . . . Hmmmm. What do tha five of us have in common. . .then it hit me. . . . "We'RE All CrayZIe In our own lil way"
Will iz kinda Spazztic and has random out bursts of energy like people with teret. Jessie eats like a bottomless pit and makes crude remarks, and acts more like a guy then anyone else. Jen is like a High class insane. Tonny iz a schitzo, and I'm tha psycotic insane wid tha documents hahahahah. SO i came up wid this : C5! meaning "Crayzie 5". Heheheh So D4, Ya Got Company

Suggestive Song/Mp3 ta Download: J.Lo ft. 50 cents: I'm going to be alright: R&B, "I gotta move on" type of msg, w/ rap .

Back to Square One
Mood: 3-17-02 : 10:23pm
I got ta watch tha RESIDENT EVIL MOviE on Opening night. For a "game-to-movie" Movie it was pretty good. I was more over impressed wid this then Tomb Raider, Super Mario Bros, Double Dragon, Mortal Kombat, and Street Fighter. Oddly enough though, the movie compressed three RE games together. . . just wid different characters. Milla Jovovich and Michele Rogdriguez kickd Ass!!! hehehehe. Why did we watch it opening nite? wellz. . .the usul five of us are REALLY use ta it. For a period of time we (Jen, Jess, tonny, Me, Will) would watch movies EVERY weekend. We'd alwayz catch the movies on opening nites though, when the crowds get dense and tix go FAST. Through time, we got used ta it and it became routine. from the whole "Checkin on Moviefone" to buyin tha tix way early in tha mornin, gettin to the are of the theater 3-4 hrs before the movie, gettin some one ta stay a place in line, while another is else where meetin up the others to pass out the tix. It gets crayzie sometimez.
wut else? . . Lets see. . .It'z Been one hell of a Weekend. I've been Working full Shifts like a MAd man wid a Lil OT at work. It'z Energy draining, yet i'm still capable of movement. heheh which is a good thing. Anywhoz, I'm heading to LA soon, and i can't wait. I've been looking forward to a vacation for a VERY long time now. I've behaved and been schoolin and working BACK TO BACK everyday. It gets tire'n. Thinking about the money does help, but only to a certain extent. As a matter of fact, my pay check goes to three things. Phone bills, ciggz, and food.
It was brought to my sisters attention that i really need to make some new friends. ( not sayin theres anything wrong wid the usual five) Just that i guess it's time for me to re-enter a more active social life again. =T It's hard though, becuz it seems as if i have forgotten Everything. hahahah I'm stuck back at what i call square one. . . . . .
Suggestive Song/Mp3 ta Download: Nelly Furtado: Legend: Slow, tropical, . . .Nelly Furtado ?!.

Uhmm. .
Mood: 3-7-02 : 10:15am
At school right now, and just finished reading an E-mail sent by my sister , FWD by someone i'm not to fond of. . .ANYWhoz.
the E-mail was about that one Urban legend about gettin your Kidney Stolen in the middle of the night. the e-mail went in depth with what the "Dr." had experinced and studied. Only problem is , i've studied some of the Urban legends too, out of Interest. There hasn't been any recorded case of the events that happen "IN AN EXACT" but the e-mail does regard that tha kidney were sold on the black market for a high price. THAT is true. Believe it or not, there is a black market out there ( near south america and mexico is the base) where you can get kidnapped , chopped up, and have your parts sold ta hospitals. NOt exactly the best news ta hear but. . .yeah.
this all goes in part to my litto believe though: ( uhh-Oh) " It's great that you show your concern for other people, but Please Stop 'Online Panic'." Dunno if many of you remember, but there was an e-mail sent out around Halloween 2001, that told people ta stay out of the malls and shopping centers because of some terrorist attack plan. This e-mail was sent ta MANY people. Obviously , at this time period, people believed it and stayed away. Later on that nite it was on the News ( at least here in SF) that Malls were empty and bussiness Crashed! they went on talking about the e-mail that went around. NOW, at the bttm of this e-mail was a phone number, and the news station made the effort ta call that number ta see whats up. The Number WAS in fact one of a researcher, but she had put turned on her answering machine and left it on for that 48 hr period. Turns out that she never wrote that e-mail and didn't know ANYTHING about it either, or at least not until the fifty million people started calling her in concern about the e-mail.
In a fragile period of time like now, i think tha least thing anyone on there mind wants to think is "panic" so PLEASE, Stop tha Insanity!! Hahahahaha Who remember Richard simmons. . .Hahahahhaah

On another note, i would also like to state that i'm a Happy Californian. I dunno where tha hell that came from, but as i walked ta the bus stop today heading ta school, i actually thought bout it. I was prolly way too tired, or i was going on another "Mind trip". It's great though. We live in a state that is hitt by tourist year round (Thanx LA and SF) and our cultural diversity is like. . . . i dunno , a bag of M&Ms. sure our high school test scores are second lowest in the nation, but hey! look at all the people that are on the rise in our universities. Californians also are known for there open minds and being very liberal. As well as all that, we celebrate shiet like there no tommorow. (i.e: Chinese New year parade in SF is the largest celebration of Chinese Culture in the US, The infamous Halloween City parties LA and SF come up wid, etc) So if you have a friend thats from another state talkin shiet bout Cali, tell them ta go ta hell. Hehehehehhe j/p
Where am i going with all this ranting this mornin? I'm not sure myself. . . food for thought i guess, *ShrugZ* . . .*Looks for more Coffee*
Suggestive Song/Mp3 ta Download: Mary J. Blige ft. Ja Rule: Rainy days: Slow, Hip-hop soul, Thought provoking .

Mood: 3-6-02 : 10:45am
Wellz. .Just ta Clearify: My life isn't as rough as it wuz before. It's just Jammed packed right now espcially with tha thoughtz that i'm REALLY tryin my hardest ta Stay in school. The many of you have prolly seem me try too. Things have become SO routine and rushy that i haven't had the time ta really re-connect wid frenz. I miss them/ you all VERy much, and i want to apologize if any of you feel neglected. Hahahah Hell, E-mail me if you want a personal apology. BUt you all hav to understand, I'm tryin ta make somethin happen in mah life , BIG and i need a solid foudation. I wish there were more time for meehz, but tha dayz i'm off, i'm either resting for the next day ta come or buzy again. SO PLEASE bear wid meeh through this all. I'm not the ring-leader like i used ta be. i can't call fifty million people out for a nite at the beach till 4:30 am regulateing all the Alchohol. Those were the Great dayz and memories, but we all hav moved on. I spoke wid Boo-Boo on this regarding the whole "Wild Dragons" thing me, Boo-boo, Danny, and Angie were in. Meeh and Boo-Boo Agreed quoting : "You know i miss them and i always think bout the litto advetures we had. But even though they're back, i can't go back to those wayz, we've both moved ahead and have new things to deal wid" I guess it's all a part of growing up. ThanX Boo-boo, thought i wuz goin bonkrz there for a sec.
On another note, maybe it wuz a stupid thing to do , maybe it wuzn't but. . .I decided ta clean out some of mah E-mail space in all my hotmail accts. and. . . through that i've read EVERY e-mail that wuz in those Accts. The "trip" paind me yet made me smile. I realize that i've came along way frm my own being and one person that CONSTANTLY points that out to me is Angie and Sion. The old E-mails had ALOT of stuff in there, enough ta write my own soap Opera HAhahahahah!!!. But wid all the pain, and Acheievements i've gotten myself through back in the dayz. . . they're created what is now. . . .DeZZiE!! =P heheheheh. I feel the need to Shed a Tear at the moment but my attempts are failing. . . .must be cuz i'm sleepy. *ShrugZ*.
Suggestive Song/Mp3 ta Download: LeAnn Rimes: But i Do Love You: from the Coyote Ugly Sdtk, strong, country .

Al bhed
Mood: 2-6-02 : 10:30am
Here i am back in school. Got here too early too =( My Botany class doesn't start till 11:00am and for some reason my mom woke me up WAY too early. Letz see whats new wid Dezzie. . .hmm. . . i've been working on a Few new pictures lately. One that took me 3 dayz ta finish OUTLINING grant it that each day i spent about 5 hours on it. ( So that like 15 hrs for ONE pic) Tha Picture has a CRAP load of detail and tha shietty part is, since most of tha color in it iz dark, you can't really see tha details withen tha finished product. =T but rest assure you'll all see it when it's done.
Work has been really slow lately, so if you live in the Bay Area, i urge you to Come to SF and Shop at Macy's . . . i NEed tha commission hahahahah.

School is going swell, though i'm not quite sure what the hell the teacher in Anthro 5 is talkin about half the time. He's the kind of teacher that gives lectures on refference to the book and to other misscellanious "Slides" "videos" and other things we all weren't even sure that we were supposed ta pay attention to. =T

And just to spice up my boredom i'm picking a new language from FFX called "Al Bhed". it's really just the english Alphabet all jumbled up: For example:
Tonny and Dez went to school today and learned about plants and there cell structure.
Duhho yht Tax fasd du clruum dutyo yht maynat ypuid bmyhdc yht drana lamm cdnildina.

SEE! Hehehhehehe
Suggestive Song/Mp3 ta Download: Utada Hikaru: Traveling: Japanese, R&Bish, Fast.

Mood: 1-25-02 : 1:57pm
Ya know i find myself putting that SleepyCon alot on herez hahahhah. Anywayz, i'm at school. . . really tired and i still have ta run errands today. =T Erghhhh. . . Wellz Lets see, first off i just wanna apologize to all the people who come here on a daily basis becuz of my lack of updating. Tha thing iz i;m still thinking about what tha hell to my site acct. Options have opened up to me, and i'm taking them inta consideration, but nothin 100% yetz. As well as that i also haven't been online much for tha past two months. I've been really busy wid mangaing ta ACTUALLY stay in school this sem, as well as tryin ta get shiet together at work.

Hmmm what has happened withen tha past two months. . . . lets see. . i bought a PS2 and GameCube with: WWF SMack Down, Harvest Moon: save the Homeland ( THanX SioN!!), SNK vs. Capcom 2, Grand Theft Auto 3, Pikmin, Luigi's Mansion, Super Smash Bros Melee, and last but not Least: FINAL FANTASY X!!! which has gotten me ta play about 120 hours worth already O_o. Tha reason why so long is because i forgot to do something in tha VERY begining of tha game, and it basiclly Altered tha rest of tha game for me, so after about 43 hrs worth of play i restarted an ENTIRE new game. =T my next step is completeing Harvest Moon, cuz i went to a Japanese book store and found a book with all these cute lil things in tha game that you can do ONLY if you progress far enough. Unfortunatly, as far as i got wuz just raising animals.

In other news , over New years Eve i had to yet pay ANOTHER trip to tha ER . What happen was i got sick tha thursday b4 and it got really bad. I took ALOT of medicine hopeing it would go away, by fri it got worse and i decided to go to tha doctors and see what happened. Bitch Dr lady has NO common sense that if you give a small skinny person too much Medicine it'll kill them. SHe prescibed me about 6 pills and told me just ta take them all at once. Another thing she did not mention was what i'm NOT supposed ta do with tha medication in my body. and neither did tha lil capsule things tha pills came in. Fri nite i took tha pills and went out for some coffee, had cereal in tha mornin wid Milk, a Vanilla Frapucinno, and ended tha nite wid a BIG thing of Ice Creme at Ghiradehli square. Now keep in mind these are all dairy products. At tha end of tha nite i felt as if my cold / flu or what ever tha hell i had, had gotten a lil worse i decided to take tha Nighttime Theraflu ( shiet knocks you out like a mother fuckr). in tha mornin on Sat i woke up wid these REALLY werid chest pains and had some difficulty breathing. At first i thought it wuz all tha ciggerettes from tha nite before. so i decided to go to tha bathroom and do a lil steam therapy ( helps your lungs open) for about an hour and a half tha pains got worse and worse to tha point where it hurt to breath. i started to loose all sense in direction, couldn't stopp moving around and my breath came out in short blanks. Later i was rushed over to ER at Kaiser ( Grrrrr..) and later after about 2 hours wait. FOund out what happened: My Lungs collapsed. . . . NO IT WAS NOT BECAUSE I SMOKE SO MUCH. turns out the Dr. from fri gave me TOO many pills, as well as that, i was not supposed ta touch ANYTHING that was a dariy product, second tha 2nd dosage of meds i took fri nite mixed in with tha other 6 pills and tha dairy. All these chemicals reacted by tryin ta shut down my lung. That afternoon i got a shot on my ass cheek and went home. Becuz of this medical mess in my body i couldn't do ANY drinking or anything on new years eve. One thing i guess i benefitted from this is that i got tha whole "Sick leave" package from work hehehehe. Funny though , tha Dr. at tha ER asked how much i smoke a day and i said about Half a Pack or less. Dr goes and tells me " OH! thats not that much honey" WTF !?!?

With that aside nothing else new has happened around this neck of tha woods. Cept this werid feeling about wanting ta travel some where far. .. . .*SHrugs* wellz Gotta go Tonny is callling me and i needa get to my next class. catch you all later.
Suggestive Song/Mp3 ta Download: Kumi Koda: Trust Your Love: Japanese, Mid-Pace, R&Bish.

Time is Colliding
Mood: 12-13-01 : 1:57pm
With things going all over the place in my life , i'm slowly coming to a halt. I'm not quite sure Whats going on , but with everything else surrounding me it'z taking it'z toll at my mind. NOt only am i having finals in school, but the holiday season has approached and work has been three times more heptic then ever. Alot of this hasn't got me thinking about this yera as well, and each thought breaks me down lil by lil.
I know i've neglectated some of my frenz and i haen't been tha best i could be for people. Though it does matter what i want for myself, still , i can't help but ta think bout otherz. As well as that , all my exs starting from Kevin have somehow re-entered my life. Each one bringing along a few hundred memories of happiness and pain. Maybe i'm dragin myself into all this once again, but i just can't help but to feel that lil thing normal call " Guilt". I haven't felt that in years after the 97' incident, and i guess it's proof that i'm becoming more "Whole" as each year goes by.
I try ta enjoy this years Holiday as much as i can. Unlike all the other ones that were completely ruined, but it just seems that no matter how positive i stay, things go wrong.
hopefully this will all swing off after tha holidayz. But in tha mean time i just hope everything will be ok. Unlike all the other years and times i've been sad and depressed, i'm going about this one solo with no one ta fall back on. Iz it time for me ta give up? or iz it time for me ta Rebuild myself. Will it all be worth it? or will i regret what i've come to? Timez are hard once again around this time of tha year, we'll just havta wait and see what happens.
Suggestive Song/Mp3 ta Download: Destiny's Child: Emotions (Neptunes Remix): R&B, SLow Jammed Oldey, Thought provoking.

Mood: 11-23-01 : 2:57am
WoW! i'm stuffed with food after a LONG Thanksgiving dinner.It wuz nice ta see tha whole family, though mah cousins still think i have some sort of Drug problem, even after i quit taking drugs back in January. After dinner, i headed home wid Tonny and Will and Watched "Tomb Raider" as well as "Legally Blonde". Thats tha Least of my concern though. . .
Jessie had a 3X2 in brownie that wuz PACKED wid marijuana. She was planning to eat it tonight after the dinner, but dicided to leave it in her room. Not knowingly before she left home. We left Mickey , Our dog, to run around the house. Well, afterwards when i got home, it turned out that Mickey ate though thing and he's COMPLETELY drugged out. He'd sit there looking at Tonny all stuck and shiet, and when he sat up, he'd tipp over and completely loose his balance. aside from that he's paranoid as hell and keepz acting werid. Hopefully by tommorow he'll be ok. but in the mean time. . .. our Dog is REALLY high =T
Suggestive Song/Mp3 ta Download: Macy Gray: Oblivion: Russian tune, Funny, Upbeat.

Mood: 11-20-01 : 2:49am
It's been a LONG weekend worth of work. I try ta think about the Money that i'm earning, but i really see myself spending that money on recovering from work Hahahah, so it's like recycling. . .okiez ANYWAYZ.
I bought myself a PS2 and a Gamecube, and I must say, I'm a VERY satisfied customer of Nintendo and Sony. GOd knows how long i play tha games i bought, but hey ! it is an escape from reality , and DAMN i need many of those esp since finals and Fucking Holiday seasons are coming . Erghhh. . . but hopefully this year i will be saving some money.. . but GOD Holidays at Macy's is. . . . ewwww. . . just fucking EWWWW!. . . . Sion surely knows ALL about it hahahhahaa. Anywhoz. . I'm thinking about making a "Maze" portion to my site and granting a Prize to whom ever finishes it. *ShrugZ* it's still in the process of me thinking about it. . okie. . . .that sentence made NO sense. . god damnit, maybe i need more Food hahahaha.
On another note, i also want to thank everyone who contributed to the questionaire thing that wuz sent out, if you got tha E-mail and haven't sent it in yet, please try too. ThanX.. . in tha Mean time i think i'mma go chew on that Scanner over there . . . . . .
Suggestive Song/Mp3 ta Download: P!nk: Just like a Pill: Upbeat, Breaking free, being independant

Happy Birthday
Mood: 11-9-01 : 12:00am
I know this Ain't much for now, but due to the few reasons it'll have to "FOR NOW"! But i just wanna wish a special Cow-cow a Happy Birthday! I'm terribly sorry that i couldn't make it , but you know for sure that i'll make it up ten folds and that i love you. Just wait till you see your gift and everything. I'll never forgive myself for missing out on your B-day. But you know that i'll make it up. ANywhoz I'll just leave this Entry like this for now. I LOVE YOU!!!
Suggestive Song/Mp3 ta Download: No Doubt: Hey Baby!: Ska, playful, Hip-Hopish/ Reggae

On another note
Mood: 11-6-01 : 10:55 pm
it's been a long day and nite. just ta cut this entry short, me and a friend were attacked by some homeless Lady which i found rather interesting. Anywhoz, i just want to leave this Poem here that i didn't get tha chance to recite last nite:

Thank you for being there in my life,
you're my happiness all in one,
though miles apart,
I believe our love is strong.
You make me feel happy with every smile and laugh,
just to know you're there for me,
brings me hope to what i do.
This feeling i have for you is one of a kind,
never have i put so much in a relationship,
but all is worth.
I don't ever want to lose you,
cuz i know you're the one i've been searching for,
and it's also paid off.
Thers no real word that explains how i feel for you,
thats why i'm always so quiet.
I will hold on to you with all my might,
because you've made my life o' so bright.
I know it's hard to believe i'm real,
but my heart you did steal.
thinking of what our past was like,
thinking about you day and night.
from the first time we met,
to the time we had our solo dinner at "Stinking Rose",
to the time we were at the beach in LA,
to the times of Krispy kreme and In-N-out,
to the time we "birthed" our First daughter,
to the time i finished your raver pic,
I try my best to grant your wishes,
and i want you to know that,
I love You and Miss you O so Dearly.

This is Dedicated to my Cow cow. Hope all is well wid you.
Suggestive Song/Mp3 ta Download: Shakira: Suerte: popish, Latin, Upbeat.

Happy Halloween
Mood: 11-1-01 : 2:30am
Wellz, tha whole day me and mah frenz kicked back at mah house and pondered away about this site. Seems as if Geocities has something against me or something. . .anywhoz, me , Jess, Will, and Tonny went trick or treating tonight and got some candy. After that i've been home all day - nite. really tired , just had a pizza. . . . dunno what my mind is thinking at the moment, maybe i just need sleep.Zzzzzzzz. . . . Hehehehhe I miss ya cow cow hope u doin okiez. *muahZ*.
Suggestive Song/Mp3 ta Download: Janet Jackson ft. Carly Simon : Son of a Gun : Vengeful, poetic, R&B

scammed Scanner?? Phone Call?? Game Cube??
Mood: 10-25-01 : 3:01am
Wellz, it's a Brand new start on some stuff on this site. Ta spice up whats been going on. Wellz As most of you already know, my scanner was broken for the longest time. No idear whyz, but it wuz. Some How though mah mom went back to Best Buy and Made up some Sob story about how she's just a mom tryin ta get her Kid through school and can't learn computers and is trying with all her might to learn and blah blah blah to the manager. Strangely they just traded in our old broken one for a new one, even though it's past the Warranty thingy, and all the other requirements for being a return. I give my mom props on that Heheheh.

On another note, i recently got a call from S.L and D.C. Which actually put me in shock for a litto bit. Why? wells it's been SO long. I mean i understand they're busy and allz, and so am i, it's always great ta hear from them. Just to Clearify everything; if i do hate you , you'd know it by now, if i don't then don't trip. Usually i have the tendenecy just to burst it out. So yeah. . . . hope to talk to you two again some time. sorry bout me sounding very bleek.

okiez, as far as news dating TODAY! i had a "Adventerous day at work. I was sent downstairs to help clean the 1st floor in Macy's. Thats mostly ties, accessories and Dress Shirts. Cleanin that wuz a BITCH! it me and mah co worker about an hour ta get tha place half way decent cuz tha people on that floor were short staffed and busy. After that we had ta go down ta Lower Level ( Street Ware) and clean that shiet. Right after that we headed back ta tha 1st floor ta do some touch up. it wuz interesting though i got ta know more people workin in tha building as well as being allowed to leave an hour early from work too =) I wuz Dead tired from work , and afterwards i met up wid friends and headed out to the New in-N-out Burger joint in SF. We had A SHIET load ta eat, and stuffed ourselves full. Now If you live in Cali or have tasted a in-N-Out burger, you'd know what i'm talkin about when i say i had a Double double and Cheeseburger. that shiet Packs a WahLop inta your tummy. After that we decided ta attempt ta walk around tha fishermans wharf area grant it it wuz a good nite , as well as tha fact we needed ta digest tha food. along our stroll, i saw a strange line barricade thing leading under ground to this place in which i thought wuz a new arcade place they opened up, thing is there were posters of the new Nintendo "game Cube" console all over the walls. I asked tha bouncer in tha front what tha whole "Sha-Bang" wuz. He just said " Oh , it's a promotion party for the game cube, You can just c'mon in a play if you want, it's for free." Once my sister heard tha word "free" she dashed in , and there we stood in Video game heaven. it wuz Designed like a club lounge wid couchs, big T.v.s and a good selection on trance muzik. and there stood loads of booths were you could test playing tha new Game Cube System. We played Super Smash Bros. Melee, in were you use all sorts of Nintendo Mascots ta clobber one another. HAHAHAhhaas for all you Gaming Illiterate people out there reading this. tha Nintendo gameCube is Nintendo's newest gaming home console system. anywhoz, we were pretty hooked on tha game and i didn't want ta go, but it wuz late, and i wuz tired, so we bounced. after that we all went home and. . .well. . .here i am. . . .sittin here. . . . thinking bout a Cute lil cow sleeping in a fruit's bed, wishing he was here so i can make some beef. hahahahahah. *Sighz*. . . Heheheh Miss Ya Beef-beef.
Suggestive Song/Mp3 ta Download: Victoria Beckham : Every little part of Me: Slow, Love song