depressed with friends looking for same.
~a night about friends~

So my mood went from minor irritation to post traumatic GAD (General Anxiety Disorder) today. I went through one of my "light days" i suppose. It only became worse with the constant play of 50's - 70's love music they've been playing at work and the extremely slow bussiness we've been getting. I'll be damned if i make goal for the next quarter. *keeps fingers crossed*

By the end of my shift i just felt like crap. Got home only to come across my mom with one of her lectures, short and brief. This set me up into a mode where i couldn't believe how much further "Sad" i became and frustrated. Jumped into the bathwater to get away from it all and luckily enough was spotted by a few saviors. i came to a realization that i've come to before and Julie has been preaching alot about on her xanga. Having friends like Julie rock. Espcially to all those who've been putting up with me since late August. But not too far from that conversation, chatting with Henry brought up some other thoughts, about how hard it is these days to find decent friends who're:
A: not after your Money
B: not after your life
C: not after your body
D: not after your emotions
E: not after your reproductive organs (Sex)
F: not after another friend of yours
just like Denim jeans, "when did having friends become so difficult?" It used to be so simple. Find common grounds, hang out, have a fall out, return or repent. Now it's like a strange game of chess where everything has to be played accordingly. This brings me back to last night where Manny, Bonnie and I were sitting at the kitchen table catching up on current events like "Sistas". It was enjoyous. Around the same time of the thoughts (not the table talk) Jacoby caught me as well, and the conversation lead right into same topic. I told him how thankful i was to have him and Jeff as "Safe friends", people that i suppose took over Paul Tang's position as the old guy who works in the confessions box. And just overall how much more mentally stronger i grow with them around. (At different points of life of course). Theres still half a million unnamed people out there from this post i'd like to say i'm greatful for having, but theres that thought running up from behind me. "Which ones are out to get me? or others?" Schitzo-typical, yeah, but....hey, it happens. Upon all this and the barrage of thoughts that dragged me into "depressed mode" I made my way to Sion's site and remembered what he told me a LONG while ago about asking for help. Which in turn became "damnit i'm too stubborn to do it" but like Sion said "If you don't ask, no one will know". point well taken.

By the end, i stuffed myself with Bagel Bites, Buffalo Blasts, and two qtrs of a Ahi Tuna burger, said bye to my sister, watched pokemon, chatted with Allan briefly, finished my homework, and watched enough comedy movie trailers to ensure that my dreams this evening will be filled with laughter.