My Thoughts on Friends
~my own reasonings~
This has been a long overdue entry that i've cared to write but never really got around to doing because i kept forgetting. But considering all the activity going around for the past few years, over several people i've finally decided it was time, and that i wouldn't procrastinate about it:
A friend, many people have their own definition of what a friend is, which is completely fine by me. The only catch is that alot of people have the tendency to think that only their own definition of a friend matters when in fact it's not. When you define a friend, you're dealing with two seperate people (small scale) and two seperate people have two seperate definition. The key to successful friendships CAN lie between the fact that those two definition stand the same OR that even with two polar definitions...the two people's respect for each others difference in their definitions are different. It's really not that hard to grasp, but at the same time...seems to be where people falter.
Growing up, i didn't have alot of friends because i always came off as strange, misunderstood, intimidating, different. Born in a middle-upper class white neighborhood, this came to no surprise. At the same time i lived in fear that i was not compatible to make those social bonds with anyone else. Add these two things to the fact that i was always moving around as a child, and you get completely unstable grounds to lay any type of foundation for friendships, because if you really think about it... how a friendship is found, cared for, and kept is really no different from finding a romantic relationship: there needs to be some sort of stable foundation.As well as that theres still levels of trust, love, and devotion involved.
When i finally settled down in San Francisco i started getting the grasp of finding friends, usually picking out other kids that seemed to be ... "rejects" amongst the sea of faces at school. This was my way of working that whole "common grounds" thing and it worked. It wasn't until High School i discovered that by taking in knowledge through every outlet around me, whether it be knowing about sports, anime, cars, weapons, anything in this world that was of exisitence phsycially, as well as thoughts, theories, and etc, that i was able to find more common grounds for the people around, hence being able to make alot more friends. Keeping an open mind my key.
So thats my process of how i got to where i am. I've alot people around me that i can call friends that span off several countries, four continents, and many of what people would call "best friends" ( the closer ones). Because i never believed that there is only ONE best friend that a person can have. Alot of these friends have grown to become as close as family, therefore making them "God-relatives".
but, heres the defining moment...
The Devotion and Respect factor:
Me.... People don't get me i suppose, but it should be expected of me because of my Leo-like traits. My devotion and dedication to my friends are very high. I won't lie and say it's 110% strong because i know for a fact that i've fallen behind on keeping up with some people. BUT...in my definition, no matter the time apart, a true friend is able to reconnect and restart with you from where they left off without grudges against the time that has two people seperated. Example: if i find myself with someone for quite some time and then they suddenly dissappear, a year or two down the road, i'll find them again and we continue what we had as if nothing ever changed. part of this stems from understanding that not only are they another person, but they also have an entirely nother life that they need to walk upon. What i bring upon that, is the respect that they will need some time for their own lives, as I will at some points.
If you want to talk about direct devotion though... that, i definetely serve for my close friends. They get as much of it from me as i can allow myself to give. Part of that devotion is the respect that i give them and the tyranny i give if anything or anyone goes against them. I mean, thats true in alot of friendships...but me....i go beyond all that because my devotion not only includes respect, but protection as well. Ready at a moments wait, if anything disturbs them...i'm ready to attack. This train of thought actually comes from another part of my life that i won't mention to much right here. But under stand that around THOSE people...your utmost devotion is REQUIRED.
Another part of devotion is sacrifice and the settling aside of differences. You DO NOT settle down your life for your friend's difference, but just enough so that they're comfortable with it. Easiest way to explain this is in the line of "...i don't like how you're Blah blah, but out of the respect of our friendship...i'll let it pass" But, whereas this is one road towards the other, it's also out of respect that the other person acknowledges it and returns that same road in whatever situation. realize that they are doing something for you, and that you don't take advantage of it.
The Learning Factor:
I really don't see how and why some people don't do this. That they think just because someone is different, they can't be friends, or close friends. Like i said before, you're dealing with seperate people, therefore you're gonna be dealing with seperate likes, dislikes, and all around thoughts. Why not learn from them? why not learn FOR them. One example would be one of my best friends who's REALLY into Naruto. I've no real interest in it, nor did i know anything about it. But he kept telling me these things, SHARING with me anecdotes from the series, his thoughts about this and that from it all. So i took the time to sit there in front of my laptop on wikipedia.org reading about one of his favorite things. In the process of it all, i found my own point of interest within the series and was able to connect with my friend even better. This goes the same for any of my friends interests. I mean, they put up with enough of me rambling about Godzilla, or other aspects of my life, it's only fair to return the favour right? It's through this simple exchange, the bonds can be strengthened even between people that may have started off with nothing in common.
The Using factor:
FRIENDS USE FRIENDS. There, i said it. I've had alot of arguements about this and i still stand firm to my words. From reading it, it looks disgusting, but if you break it down to it's bare ideas, it's true. It's also not as bad as people think. Friends use one another for many purposes. Being for support is one of the bigger and more used things. It's true though, if you look beneath it all between friendships, theres an underlining give and take...and exchange of goods and services one provides the other. If that exchange is cut off, then you'll notice that the friendship becomes stagnant and eventually becomes dormant or dead. Some people have said to me that there shouldn't be any "using" or exchanging in friendships. Thats really nice to think of but the fact is...whenever you interact with ANYONE on this planet you're exchanging something. even if it's just a simple conversation, the two people are exchanging thoughts, their own company, and etc to fullfill one another's needs. Thats one of the bottom lines in human interactions and it's also THE KEY TO HEALTHY COMMUNICATION. Of course the more uglier version of "using friends" are those who do not return the exchange or return it stingily with minimal efforts. Those are the people who take advantage of friendships. They have no intentions but personal gain, not strengthening bonds, not providing goods or services...just ALL themselves. (services: support, etc)
These are just three defining factors when i think of the word "Friend". You may or may not agree with them, but at least have the decency to realize and respect that these are part of my own thoughts. which brings me to this one last thought:
if relationships are like friendships, and if you believe in that stupid "don't change for someone" bullshit...jokes gonna be on you. I'll mash this into your head: TWO people TWO worlds, TWO minds. they're will always be similiarities, as there will always be differences. Change is growth, growth is a MUST in any type of relationship you deal with. Without it, what you have...WILL die. just think of a plant. if you want something to successfully work, there has to be a healthy level of moderational change between BOTH people, because otherwise..you'll just be living a fantasy.