2 Pridez

gayzn.com has opened up not too long ago as a web space safe and anonymous for gay azn people to showcase there websites, resources, and info. I helped come up with the title, something that i was once meaning to build. A while ago when i wuz 16, a year after i came out, i wanted to start a website that could help direct others like me to places that people could get help. Only problem was i didn't know anything too much on html, web page building, and my resources were limited. So instead i just created a small website on geocities(geocities.com/shermieboi) to vent out thoughts and feelings.

As time went by, my site evolved as well, taking on the theme "2 Pridez". In a stylish, stereotypical, azn, gangster washed, look. I didn't want people ta accidently get to my site through AA, or etc and see it and think "oh no, heres another azn, bopper, over Riced site" or "Oh no here goes another gay, flamey, rainbow site". Thats just not my style. I've always been the "black Sheep" "outcast" around my people. I'm gay, and azn. two very simple things to understand, but when you put them together, people freak out. They either think you're too gay or too azn. I'm not, i balance my mind and express my thoughts for both of my pridez. Some may say i'm not too gay enough , or i'm not azn enough. think what they want, i just have the thought in my head "thats bullshiet"

Being azn doesn't mean you havta race, shoot pool, club 24/7, hang out at all the azn places. being gay doesn't mean i havta be a drinker, clubber 24/7 (again), flamey, run around holding the rainbow flag. It has nothing to do with those things. i mean hell, you can post ALL over your site all that "got Rice" shiet and say you have azn pride, but you know NOTHING about Angel Island, Coolies, your own cultural history, YOUR background. . . . it really boggles my mind. Same with the gays, Harvey milk, the rainbow flag, stonewall, Is Gay pride SF all about getting drunk and seeing how many people you can snag ta sleep wid? NO! Theres reasons for all these events, theres reasons why these things exsist in our history books ( hahah yeah, the whole 4 pages), theres reasons why Universities and College have classes on these things. Mah GOD please! learn before you claim, if you do claim one, or two of these things, at LEAST have the knowledge in your mind to back it up.

Me: Someone asked me once: "Do you know anybody else like you?" i didn't even have to hesitate to answer "no" in reference to my mind. In general though, i'm like everyone else on this planet, gay, straight, black, white. . . i am human. i don't prance around all feminine, rufflely, girl sqeaky voiced like a little priss. NO not at ALL. It's a very simple concept, I LIKE GUYS. Just because i'm gay, that doesn't mean i have to live up to those stereotypes that society further escalates on the world to precieve what we're like. Alot of gay men act that way because they choose to. (Remember i said "alot" not all) sometimes though it does seem like theres some kind of spasm going on with there body. We are not different from any other people, we eat, work, shit and sleep like everyone else. Sexual orientation shouldn't be a reason to hate on someone. What difference does it make about who we wanna be with? If a girl wants to be with a girl, coo. If a guy wants to be with a guy coo. You say it's not right? HOW? explain to me that? I'm not gonna go too deep into the scientific theroy, but heres a little thing you might wanna research on, the point that the Default human gene is female. Who are you to say it's not right? i respect a person for there opinion and all, but already. . if they can't see this to be something normal, that already prooves to me that they're closed minded. AIDS? People have a misconception of the connection between and AIDS and gay men, saying that gay men are the leading cause for the spread of AIDS. thats bullshiet, statistics show that the leading group of people who're spreading AIDS is not in fact gay men, but Heterosexual white Women. (the last time i checked i think it was 60-80%??) I've done my fair share of community work and i still do. One agency that i'm still with is CUAV (Community United Against Violence), part of there Youth speakers buereau. I go to High Schools and Middle schools and talk to classes about my life, my thoughts, and my words. Kinda like what i'm doing on here, educating people. Like my speaking gigs, i only express my views through my own experiences. I don't represent for all gays, and azns out there, i'm here to represent myself.

Why am i representing my Azn pride? Isn't being gay enough? No it's not. Why should me being gay set me apart from my azn brothers and sisters? We're from the same blood, and our ancestors probably worked with one another. I know the struggle, i know the set backs of growing up in the US as an azn. i've been through alot of things that many other azn kidz have been through. It's all the same. Being gay shouldn't make these experiences any different from what they already are. The reality of things though, it does. Why? because people still don't accept it, people still see us as "different". An example: When i used to be in a gang, there were many fights that would break out, and people would be called to come as back up. After people in the gang found out i was gay, they seized calling me to the guy fights. Instead they decided to call me out to the girl brawls, in which i had to beat up girls. =T not something i'm too proud of, but it's an example.

I'm ready to challenge that thought though. I want to be living proof that there are gay azn kidz that live life just like any other azn kid does in the city. Both prides exsist in me strongly and continue to burn throughout my life time. Being gay shouldn't be "me" ,it should be a part of me, like how i'm an artist. I don't wanna be remembered as "that gay guy", i wanna be remembered as "that azn guy whoz gay". A person that truly understands the meaning of being azn, and the meaning of being gay.