If theres one thing that i've been taught this summer it
would be "letting go". Not just letting go a relationship, but letting go
friends, letting go family, letting go the past. It's a hard that alot of us as
individuals are in denial about: Am i really over it? with out "protection"?
When people come face to face with this situation, they act as if
everythings fine, but subconciously they are mentally corroding away into
sorrow. It isn't until a few weeks or days later it starts hammering on them
like rain. People also tend to go inta denial about this and think "everythings
fine" and end up scrwing themself over in the end. It's not an easy task
espcially when you don't have any protection and it starts ta limbo around the
thoughts of being alone. It's a fear that exsists in alot of us, the fear of
continueing life alone. It shouldn't be though. When i mention protection, i
mainly mean . . . . the ability of keeping yourself busy. Something that help
you distract your mind from this person. Work, reading, drawing, clubbing,
writing, in what ever form it is for peepz ta get over or let go someone, they
are around. But what if that protection was gone? What if you're comp broke
down, what if you're at home alone wid no phone, or your phone bills are too
high to make a call. Then what do you do? Alot of people go the extent of crying
alone, listenin to music, or just moping around at home. I've done that ALOT
this summer. I went out to restruants to have dinner alone, i would go into
downtown and sit at a cafe for hours sipping away at my coffee alone. My
protection is my sketchbook, it keeps me busy while i wait for the food. BUT
there wuz one nite i challenged myself to go have dinner alone, wid no
sketchbook and mah cell phone off. The first few minutes i was fine. . .but. . .
. . after getting my food and a few bites it got awfully lonely. Thought began
to flood my mind about how one of mah closests friend had left, thoughts bout
how my relationship was going down hill, thoughts of mah grandfather passing
away, friends going here and there, mom leaving. It all got over bearing. Not
even finishing my Pallermo (Grilled chicken Fettucini Alfredo) i got up, left
the tip and went home. I didn't cry. ( Stupid me ) but tha thoughts themselves
were over bearing. Right then and there i knew i wuz too dependant on others and
still hadn't ACCEPTED the fact that these people were dissappearing from mah
life.( Some momentarly ) Becuz of this realization i knew mah mentality had
grown weak, OR i was not "advanced" enough to procede too far in life.
"Procede in life?? what does that havta do wid all this?" if thats your
question. . .OoooOOoo you still got ALOT to learn. Okiez, say you're mentality
is based on "okie i let go, i fine" but still be denial about it, several years
or months down the road, when things are in a rut for you, that past will come
back and bite you in the ass. Wid that happening, and say fifty million other
things had happened between that time frame that you also put away that will all
fall at once on you and you will then go into a mental break down. That or you
can dive into a depression. people. . .thats NOT what we're aiming for. We wanna
be able to suceed and ever grow and prosper through life yes? There are lil bits
of pain you'll have to take in, but just remember, it's only temporary.
You see, i figured, i gotta be more independant and take care of
mahself. ( then that goes inta self esteem help blah blah blah) Cuz i dun want
mah friends ta be millions of miles away from me and still havta worry bout me,
i dun wanna always count on mah BF's arms ta run into when ever i'm down, i dun
wanna forever just think life is all about losts. it's not.
time went by i accepted each event before it happened. I told myself that
"s/he'll be gone, i have to be fine and take care of myself till the next time
we meet". You're young, you still have a life time ta live. just becuz shiets
happenin now doesn't mean it'z tha end. Things tend ta pop up in tha future
whenever they want. And for all tha gay people who're reading this, the chances
are MUCH higher. The gay world is ALOT smaller then you think it iz. I could go
ON and ON bout how NOW all mah exs are pretty much connected and there history
wid one another. It doesn't end there, but those connection i've thought i threw
FAR away from mahself, they've come back in different forms.
accept it before it happens, keep yourself busy mentally, think about yourself.
This doesn't just apply to getting over ex-bfs or ex-gfs, it applies to:
frenz who've stabbed your back (kicking there ass ain't gonna solve
much, just provokes more of each other then you have MORE problems)
who've passed away
frenz who've left ( people have there own lives to live.
If you two are meant to be friends they'll come back for/to you)
and for the
xbfgf portion. . . You're too young to mope around, don't waste time, abuse it.
You only get one chance at this lifetime, don't waste it over a guy/ girl. Don't
just let go and dun look back, instead ; let go and create a new