Letting Go
~Free yourself~

If theres one thing that i've been taught this summer it would be "letting go". Not just letting go a relationship, but letting go friends, letting go family, letting go the past. It's a hard that alot of us as individuals are in denial about: Am i really over it? with out "protection"?

When people come face to face with this situation, they act as if everythings fine, but subconciously they are mentally corroding away into sorrow. It isn't until a few weeks or days later it starts hammering on them like rain. People also tend to go inta denial about this and think "everythings fine" and end up scrwing themself over in the end. It's not an easy task espcially when you don't have any protection and it starts ta limbo around the thoughts of being alone. It's a fear that exsists in alot of us, the fear of continueing life alone. It shouldn't be though. When i mention protection, i mainly mean . . . . the ability of keeping yourself busy. Something that help you distract your mind from this person. Work, reading, drawing, clubbing, writing, in what ever form it is for peepz ta get over or let go someone, they are around. But what if that protection was gone? What if you're comp broke down, what if you're at home alone wid no phone, or your phone bills are too high to make a call. Then what do you do? Alot of people go the extent of crying alone, listenin to music, or just moping around at home. I've done that ALOT this summer. I went out to restruants to have dinner alone, i would go into downtown and sit at a cafe for hours sipping away at my coffee alone. My protection is my sketchbook, it keeps me busy while i wait for the food. BUT there wuz one nite i challenged myself to go have dinner alone, wid no sketchbook and mah cell phone off. The first few minutes i was fine. . .but. . . . . after getting my food and a few bites it got awfully lonely. Thought began to flood my mind about how one of mah closests friend had left, thoughts bout how my relationship was going down hill, thoughts of mah grandfather passing away, friends going here and there, mom leaving. It all got over bearing. Not even finishing my Pallermo (Grilled chicken Fettucini Alfredo) i got up, left the tip and went home. I didn't cry. ( Stupid me ) but tha thoughts themselves were over bearing. Right then and there i knew i wuz too dependant on others and still hadn't ACCEPTED the fact that these people were dissappearing from mah life.( Some momentarly ) Becuz of this realization i knew mah mentality had grown weak, OR i was not "advanced" enough to procede too far in life.

"Procede in life?? what does that havta do wid all this?" if thats your question. . .OoooOOoo you still got ALOT to learn. Okiez, say you're mentality is based on "okie i let go, i fine" but still be denial about it, several years or months down the road, when things are in a rut for you, that past will come back and bite you in the ass. Wid that happening, and say fifty million other things had happened between that time frame that you also put away that will all fall at once on you and you will then go into a mental break down. That or you can dive into a depression. people. . .thats NOT what we're aiming for. We wanna be able to suceed and ever grow and prosper through life yes? There are lil bits of pain you'll have to take in, but just remember, it's only temporary.

You see, i figured, i gotta be more independant and take care of mahself. ( then that goes inta self esteem help blah blah blah) Cuz i dun want mah friends ta be millions of miles away from me and still havta worry bout me, i dun wanna always count on mah BF's arms ta run into when ever i'm down, i dun wanna forever just think life is all about losts. it's not.

slowly as time went by i accepted each event before it happened. I told myself that "s/he'll be gone, i have to be fine and take care of myself till the next time we meet". You're young, you still have a life time ta live. just becuz shiets happenin now doesn't mean it'z tha end. Things tend ta pop up in tha future whenever they want. And for all tha gay people who're reading this, the chances are MUCH higher. The gay world is ALOT smaller then you think it iz. I could go ON and ON bout how NOW all mah exs are pretty much connected and there history wid one another. It doesn't end there, but those connection i've thought i threw FAR away from mahself, they've come back in different forms.

Learn ta accept it before it happens, keep yourself busy mentally, think about yourself. This doesn't just apply to getting over ex-bfs or ex-gfs, it applies to:

frenz who've stabbed your back (kicking there ass ain't gonna solve much, just provokes more of each other then you have MORE problems)
family who've passed away
frenz who've left ( people have there own lives to live. If you two are meant to be friends they'll come back for/to you)
and for the xbfgf portion. . . You're too young to mope around, don't waste time, abuse it. You only get one chance at this lifetime, don't waste it over a guy/ girl. Don't just let go and dun look back, instead ; let go and create a new road.