It's been a lil over 9 months
now since i've left tha "scene" and alot of you have probably noticed that i've
resigned from my "Faith's Angels", "Wild Dragons" and "Poizon Raver" positions.
Too Most of you, i've completely dissappeared to the others, you'd prolly spot
me once every blue moon. The wild life i lived dragged me into an exhaustting
rest. NO! i didn't bust a "Mariah Carey", my therapy session have BEEN over.
I needed ta slow down my life and get some rest from it all, at tha
same time, reevaluate my life at that point. It's scary though; i look back at
myself from last year and look at meeh now. BIG difference. A few of you who've
stopped by my workplace ta say hi, got ta see me first hand. It's tha same
reaction all tha time now.
"wow! You seem so much more calmer now Dez."
All i do now is go to school and go to work day after day after day. If
i have a day off, it's usually spent recooperating from school or work from the
day before and then getting ready for work and school tha following day. Sure it
gets boring, but money = stuff. Which leads to me spoiling myself now and then
at restruants. Which fullfills me in some level of bliss.
This has given me
a chance to grow more and take things more seriously. To be able to get away
from everything that used to aggravate me and make me upset soothed my inner
anger. I saw no point of surrounding myself constantly with things that i don't
like. People tell you to live your youth to the fullest; theres some truth to
that. You do party your youth away but at the same time, you havta prepare
yourself for the next steps in life when it gets heptic. You can't party all
your life. Sure every now and then it's great, but not 247. When i used ta go
raving i recalled seeing OLD OLD people there. I thought to myself: "it's great
they're happy and active, but . . how pathetic is that? To use substance or
substitues as a front for true happiness?". I know i sound as if i've become tha
most boringest person ever. Things have changed, and so has time. I'm not the
only gettin mylife back on track. Several of my close frenz are following the
same pace i am, and i am even more ellated that they are by my side.
this DOES NOT mean i'm a humourless, boring, workaholic that never speaks a
word. My aggression may have subsided, but i'm still the same bitter-humoured,
sarcastic, snappy, psycotic with the whip. My rantings haven't stopped either,
come to think of it, i feel one coming. . . .
"No More Drama"
It makes me feel happy to hear those
words, but at the same time pissed. The expression "No more drama" means to have
everything settled, no more problems, etc. It's great when people say that. It
gives you some kind of secure feelin when you're with this person(s). If there
were no more drama anywhere, everything would be dainty fine, hell, i'd be happy
too. In this world though. . .it's never gonna happen. Sorry to break it to you
folks, but drama follows you around like your shadow. no matter how many cities
you move to, jobs you change, new frenz you meet, theres always some form of
drama, you just have to learn to deal with it. yeah thats all great and we all
know that is prolly what you're thinkin. but here the "ranty" part:
group of people are getting together and suddenly one of them state "Leave your
drama at home". that makes perfect sense. Thats a positive thing. i don't mind
that. BUT when it's the person you know thats most likely ALWAYS causing drama
who sez it, thats what takes me to the edge. I don't see why that is. It angers
me. How can you even think to say that phrase, when you're the troublemaker.
It's a contradiction all it's own. in order for there to be no drama, the drama
starter can't be around. make sense? heheheh What i'm tryin to say is: If you
ever use that phrase or any "catch-Phrases" it would be a nice way to further
develop yourself if you thought about what you've said and question if that
would apply to yourself. Not saying you should drag yourself into a depression,
but it's a technique many of you whom already use for self-improvement. I know
i'm not perfect, i can be mean, blah blah blah, but i work on those lil
negatives ta further become a better human.
"Whats the point?" you ask?
the point is : it helps you live a more happier life. A life with Less Drama
( Ahhhhh . . See the connection now?) It may not be 100% Proof but the closer
you get, the more results you see. hehehe take me for example: I used to come as
zany, wild, and bonkers. When people 1st meet me, they want to run and hide. NOW
i'm alot more settled and calm, when people 1st meet me now, they wanna go have
coffee again or etc. SEE? heheheheh